Ms. Jackson ...

If you're nasty.

I could write this ENTIRE post about Ms. Jackson. How fierce she looked, how amazing she is, how much I love her ... but I understand that's not what the AI finale was about (obviously, it was about Simon). So, I'll contain myself.

I called it wrong! In spite of obviously superior performances, America made it clear that they prefer HOT over HIPPY. Too bad.

The silver lining is that Crystal's goal of giving her son a better life than she had WILL be achieved. There is NO doubt that she'll go on and have a very successful music career even as the AI "loser" (ala Daughtry).

Lee was gracious, grateful, and wonderful in his final performance of Beautiful Day. It was hard not to love him the minute he started crying before the results were even read. Truthfully, he needs this top spot more than Crystal does, and I'm hopeful for his career as well.

The FUN of the night:

Alice Cooper?!? Alice Cooper! Sounded amazing for a 105 year old man who has been drugged out for at least 89% of his life, and still looks great in pleather.

Siobhan and Eyebrows' How Deep Is Your Love was fantastic until Barry Gibb joined them. Maybe the plastic surgeon pulled his face too tight for him to sing on key anymore.

BM and Michael McDonald were weird. McDonald mentioned "Mike Lynch" twice, did BM even introduce who he was standing in front of ... I mean, singing with?

Dane Cook's Simon "Song" was only funny when he decided that bringing a bunch of no-talent fame-whores back would be a good idea, only to have it backfire (shock!), requiring an uncomfortable cut to break.

I was initially mad at Christina Aguilera for not actually singing with the AI girls (Diva), but I got over it, because she really is amazing. (I'm not over how dominatrix outfits are appropriate for a family show.)

The guys' (wearing jeans, by the way) Hall & Oates medley was cheezy. Andrew still can't sing, and I let Tim out of my pocket for this performance only.

Crystal got to sing with Alanis Morissette because she’s one of her idols. Lee got to sing with Chicago because, well, he’s from Chicago. And possibly lost a bet.

Carrie Underwood’s new single, “Undo It,” is co-written by Kara. Hee-Haw.

Bret Michaels is alive and well.

Pants on the Ground was inexplicably mesmerizing.

Joe Cocker is indebted to Crystal for saving his ass while Lee just stood there.

Simon Cowell is leaving AI. Paula is still drunk and incoherent.

Oh, and Janet Frickin' Jackson was there!

Thanks followers for a fun year! See you again for Season 10!