Finally the auditions are over. Although I understand they held another audition in New Jersey...and decided to dump the episode. Either the producers have finally caught on that no one likes the auditions, so lets get on with the show... or they ran into a bunch of Snookie wannabees and realized that the contestants were asking the viewers to go a bridge too far.
So...who do we have in St. Louis? To keep myself engaged in the show, I decided to rate each contestant on 2 meters with a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest): the Sob-o-meter and the Sing-o-meter. I wish I had thought of this sooner because I bet we could come up with a formula of sob to sing that would predict the vote before the judges even speak.
First up is John Keeser. He is the product of a broken home (his wicked mother abandoned him) and was raised by his father in Pompano Beach Florida. Jennifer says he will be a star, Steven swore (in a good way) and he is going to Hollywood.
Sob-o-meter: 1 (his mother is not dead, his dad has a boat, and they are not homeless)
Sing-o-meter: 7
Then the show reverts to a medley of bad talent from last year, this year, who knows what year just to keep those who watch the show to see people humiliated interested. Sob-o-meter for all: 1 because they cannot sing and no one told them so. Sing-o-meter for all: 0 because they cannot sing.
Our next serious contestant is Rochelle Lamb who brings her daughter Maddie into the room. She was a professional singer until she fell in love with a man who *held her down*. They are now divorcing and she gives a heartfelt rendition of a Faith Hill song about finding somebody new. She is very country in grammar and voice. Maddie grooves along with her as she trashes Maddie's father with the song choice and lyrics.
Sob-o-Meter: 3 (the contestant last night who was held down by her bad husband had 2 kids and Rochelle only has one. Plus Rochelle named her daughter Maddie and insulted her father in front of her.)
Sing-o-Meter: 6 (assuming you like that sort of thing...but Carrie Underwood is not losing any sleep tonight).
A side note: Both Rochelle and the Kellogg woman from last night may have stolen the *my bad old man kept me down* line from a contestant on X-factor.
Our next contestant who cannot sing Is Oliver MCrary and music is his *wife*. Sob-o-meter: 5 (except it is me sobbing as my eardrums rupture)
Sing-o-meter: -5
Our next hopeful is Reese Glockner and he is straight out of the first episode of Glee. He was bullied at school until he found the choir and made friends. His singing made Steven cry and I guess it was ok although I thought the voice was a little thin.
Sob-o-Meter: 4 (he is the first bully victim this season so I am being generous)
Sing-o-Meter: 7 (I'm taking Steven's word for it here)
Then Steven gives a pep talk to the remaining contestants and it is especially helpful for Ethan Jones. Steven can relate to Ethan's father who is presently in rehab. Ethan sings in a country band with his father. Ethan sings well.
Sob-o-Meter: 5 (Steven's sb-o-m went to 10 on this one)
Sing-o-Meter: 7
I took a break so missed Madonna's *hot new video*. Please don't let her be a guest mentor this season as I cannot stand her fake British accent. If she could get away with it, she would give herself a royal title (so she could call herself Lady Madonna) but only the Queen can grant those, and I think the Queen is probably resistant to Madonna's charm. Of course she could always snag herself some random old Duke.
Now I really felt for the next guy, the hotel auditor. I don't know if they dragged him in from the hallways or if he actually auditioned at the cattle call and was called back. For a minute I thought he would be some competition for our Gentle Giant Germaine but then he sang.
Sob-o-Meter: 0 (he has a good day job)
Sing-o-Meter: 0
And our FINAL contestant in the audition rounds for Season 11 (well except for the Snookies in NJ) is Lauren Gray. She loves her father a lot. They sing in a band together on weekends. She sang very loud and had a bit of a husky break in her voice.
Sob-o-Meter: 0 (her father is not in rehab and you don't get points for loving your dad)
Sing-o-Meter: 7
Hollywood week looks like its going to be interesting. I suspect we will find some people to love and some to hate.
I encourage readers to comment on all of our posts and I'm glad KK is finding some time to blog. Its much more fun for me when she does!
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