Thank you Randy Jackson, fount of all cliches, for giving me my post title tonight. We will only be hearing He/She Has To Have It slightly less times from now until the season ends than we hear Randy say *I worked on that record with X. I talked to X. X, who I know so well, would be proud. It's X birthday in eight months*. Give it a rest Randy, no matter how many names you drop, everyone knows that no one knew you until you came on American Idol and most people still have no clue what you ever did to get your ass in that judges seat.
I was almost going to use Steven's line about *being somewhere else in the eighties* as my post title, but its not a song title and I do try to be consistent, even if not clever, about these things. Steven was on drugs and in rehab. I was working my butt off (figuratively...how I wish my butt actually came off) in the eighties dealing with people spitting in pizzas, using point of sale technology to write obscenities on customer receipts, and other highlights of life in the world of fast food. So, I heard the occasional song and of the occasional artist but really have no knowledge about eighties music. I didn't even see Flashdance or have leg warmers. And, while I have heard of Gwen Stefani, I did not know she was part of a group nor the name of the group. I don't know any song she ever sang or if I do, I did not know she was the one singing it.
The show opens with a small montage of HeJun's last moments and we learn Jennifer wanted to save him. Wiser heads prevailed. Then we see a picture of Randy Jackson in the eighties from a distance and it takes me a minute or two to figure out who is in the picture. Of course it may be my onsetting cataracts and my tiny tv. Mercifully we are spared Tommy Hilfiger and another look at his clothes that no one is choosing to wear.
The first performer is Deandre who sings I Like It by Debarge. I've never heard of Debarge or the song. Its a typical Deandre performance mixing his *normal* voice as it is now called with his falsetto and some runs and trills. He bounces around again. Really, the kid dances like a white man. The judges lick him up like ice cream for what I see as nothing that special and certainly Deandre has done this before. The judges resist the temptation to stand up.
At this point I knew Elise was going to get panned no matter if she channelled Whitney Houston's voice. The judges love child Deandre was in the bottom three last week and not Elise so Elise must be put back in the bottom of the pack. She wants to sing Hallelujah. I would not have been happy if she sang that because ever since Lee DeWyze and his angels ruined it and Crystal's chance to win, I don't want to hear that song sung by anyone but Leonard Cohen (is he still alive?). Jimmy and the mentors convince her to switch to I Don't Know What Love Is (a song I remember) and tell her she does a great job of it. Elise...don't take their advice anymore...it always leads to pain. I thought she did a good job of it but the chorus was drowning her out and was not in sync with her so either she or the people advising her made a bad decision on the arrangement. I think she should have gone it alone. I did not think she was off-key. I'm tone deaf obviously. So..she is in danger this week. I voted for her.
Colton and Skylar do a duet. Its cute but not memorable.
The crown prince, Phillips is up next and his brother-in-law is flown in to play guitar for him on this performance of That Song by Genesis (evidently the fund raising is going well). I don't know That Song and was just thinking *its always the same * from Phillip when he sings *its always the same *. The judges once again say he is an original and unique. He is as original as pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. I like pumpkin pie but don't blow smoke up my leg and tell me its *original* to serve pumpkin pie for dessert at Thanksgiving.
Hollie and Deandre sing their duet *I'm so excited* and for once Hollie looks like she is having a good time. It was cute but not memorable.
Joshua is up next. I love this guy. He sings If You Don't Know Me By Now, a song I happen to know. He could drop a few of the runs, but overall, it was a good performance. Maybe not Standing O worthy...but the best so far tonight. Randy coins his new phrase *he has to have it* to replace *in it to win it*. Since he used *in it to win it* for 5 years straight, it will be 2017 before he comes up with a new catch phrase. They give Josh a standing O which may be going a bit far but not as far as giving one to HeJun last week. I guess the judges are trying to avoid Deep Vein Thrombosis.
Ok, last week, Jessica did NOT get across to America that she has an alter ego named Bibi Chez, which makes her just as great as Beyonce who has an alter ego of her own. I'm really thinking someone stayed up at night for the past few weeks trying to come up with some sort of story that would make Jessica remotely interesting and the alter ego was born. Never fear America won't forget it now as Ryan mentions it at least twice and she mentions it several times as she tries to convince us she has never sung in public before, only to boxes and that her parents actually let her go to the mall instead of to casting calls. I suspect we will hear about Bibi for the rest of the season. She sings Whitney again. Yawn. I suppose it was flawless. I don't care. I don't like her. And I thought it was pitchy. Jennifer wanted to stand up but Randy restrained her.
Phillip and Elise do a duet which I tried to love but Phillips crouching around and growling made it impossible for me to enjoy it...plus he made Elise growl too much too. I wanted to tell Phillip to stop dragging his ass around and stand up straight.
Poor sweet Hollie. I think this may be her last song. She wisely goes upbeat (I think) with Oh What A Feeling but it starts in a very ballady way. And she just cannot cut loose and they say she is pitchy again.
Joshua and Bibi sing I Knew You Were Waiting for Me and Bibi gets to channel Aretha. It was a good performance but I am giving Joshua all the credit.
Colton *flips the gender* and sings Time After Time. I do know this song but I didn't know it was Cyndi Lauper who sang it. Typical Colton emo performance. The judges say he *made it his own* and I have to give him credit for admitting that he totally ripped off his arrangment from another band. His hair is somehow different but it still looks like falshitto to me. I think he added some underlights.
I've been waiting for Skylar to do a ballad for at least 2 weeks and thank goodness she is either reading this blog or my mind or the countless tweets and facebook and Idol forum posts which suggest she needs to do a ballad. And she picks a good one. I said I wouldn't get tears in my eyes when she sang it. I lasted about 10 seconds. She looked so beautiful in her *pretty dress* even if it did look like she was styled by Lauren Alaina's mom. It suited her. What I loved is that she just sang the song straight without lots of vibrato and trills and runs and melisma. She gets a well-deserved standing O. She better check her deer sausage before she eats anymore of it because I think Bibi might put some razor blades in it. This girl has stage presence.
Predictions for Bottom 3: Elise, Holly and Deandre. If Deandre is eliminated they will save him or JLo will claw Nigel's eyes out.
KK is a 80's child and I'm looking forward to her reviews of this music.
edited: Deandre was not in the bottom three last week. I just had some wishful thinking for a moment.