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Thursday, January 26, 2012

Galveston Oh Galveston

Well I didn't hear any sea winds blowing or sea waves crashing but I did hear a bunch of people whose singing crashed and blew.  Maybe it was just me but it seemed like tonight they featured all the roadapples and none of the talent. 

From Fong Vu who claimed to be born and raised in America but couldn't speak English (so much for public schools) to Alejandro the Revolutionary, it was a night of mostly dreck.  Alejandro is fresh from occupying a parallel universe where Lady Gaga doesn't have platinum records and Barack Obama is not president.  He wants a revolution so that Lady Gaga can be a big star  and Obama can be president. I want to occupy his other universe. 

There were only three people who I thought had any talent at all:  Skylar the teen from Jackson, Mississippi who hunts deer and rides three-wheelers through the woods; Baylee Brown who is on her second try (she was teamed with some biotches from NJ during group night on her last try when she was just 16 and forgot the words); and the 28 year old almost divorced mother of three who spent the money she borrowed to hire a divorce lawyer to pay for her ticket to audition for Idol. 

The judges disagreed over several female contestants...Steven and Randy rejected them and Jennifer supported them.  Then Steven and Randy accepted a very poor singer and Jennifer almost lost it.  I agree with Jennifer and don't know what was going on with Steven and Randy.  

Two contestants with sob stories made it on the basis of the sob stories (in my opinion) as both had decent but not spectacular voices.  Cortez Shaw was raised by a single mother and his family was homeless for two years.  Ramil  Garcia was born without ears..really.  Surgery allowed them to construct an ear canal to an eardrum and he can hear, talk and sing (sort of) now. Both seemed like really nice guys but I cannot say they have an exceptional  talent. 

Cannot WAIT until the auditions are over! 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Rocky Mountain Not So High

I admit it.  I am bored with these auditions. I am bored with the girls in love with Steven Tyler (even though I'm in love with him too in a platonic sense and I'm closer to his age).  I'm bored with the backstories.  I want the real deal to start. 

All of that said, here is the rundown of what I managed to watch tonight.  I hope all of you were watching something else. 

First contestant is a cute enough blonde named Jenny Shick who has permission from her boyfriend to kiss Steven Tyler, Lady Gaga, and some other famous guy and it won't be considered cheating.  She has eye makeup like Lady Gaga.  She has sort of a horsey face like Gaga too.  She sings Heartbreaker.  It didn't sound all that great to me but the judges let her go through. 

Second contestant, a semi-pro musician called Curtis Gray who has a sort of David Cook wanna be vibe.  I thought his song choice was crappy and boring.  Randy loved it.  Randy was clearly affected by the altitude.  He went through. 

Then the three Amigos ...Richie who has a low voice like Scottie's voice and a plaid shirt too; Devan Jones who is a R&B guy and sounds the same as the rest of them, and some George Michaels look-alike called Mathenee.  They all went through. 

Our first loser of the show,Talena Ron, appears.  Her twin sister, Stevie, is there for moral support.  Stevie goes to a Performing Arts School and has taken the spotlight from Talena for their entire 18 years of life together.  Sadly, as Talena sang we could see why she was always in Stevie's shadows and must always be content to be the wind beneath herwings.  After her rejection, the sisters sang a duet and Stevie decided to sing as loud as she could to overpower poor Talena's pitiful voice.  At least the judges didn't call in Stevie and let her audition like they did with the other brother/sister rivals the first night. 

Haley Smith is an outdoor girl with a Crystal Bowersox vibe.  She was good but I cannot get too excited about her until she makes it through the Hollywood hell week. 

Shelby Smith is from Minnesota and has bi-polar disorder.  She seems like a fine young woman but once again I was not that impressed with her voice.   I'm jaded. 

Angie Ziederman wants to be Gaga.  She auditions first with a show tune which Randy almost threw up on.  Then she sang Blue Bayou.  She dresses sort of retro with big glasses and 40's hair.  I think she has a lot of tricks but not much talent. 

In between there were others I was too bored with to make notes about.  It ended with the classic jokester guy who was about 40, called himself Magic Cyclops, spoke with an English accent and said he was born in Davenport, Iowa.  He sang (badly) a Neil Diamond song and Margariaville.  Randy said he had to go to the bathroom so would let the other two deal with Cyclops.  Cyclops allowed as how he could use a bathroom too and farted a sparkler out of his butt.  Yeah..that was really spontaneous.  I wonder how many times they had to rehearse the sparkler fart before they got a good take. 

So...what started off as Rocky Mountain high (the scenery shots were great) turned into Rocky Mountain low (or is that blow?).   Anyway...I want the real show to start.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Oh Say Can You Hear?

I'm pretty sure the judges gave some smart kid producer some holy hell...the one who had the idea to stage the auditions on an aircraft carrier docked off of San Diego.  Lots of planes and boats going back and forth and making it hard for them to hear the contestants.  It had to be tedious. 

I will be shocked if we hear much more about any of the contestants featured tonight.  I thought nearly all who went through were *been there done that* types with generic voices but nothing to knock your socks off.  Since I waited over an hour through the boring football game AND overtime to see the show...I was hoping for more.  Oh well...its auditions.

The first featured contestant came in a modified bikini and hung out in all the strategic places.  She was well built and thought she was a shoe-in because her outfit would impress Randy and Steven and *I only need 2 votes*.  She would like to work with animals or children if her singing career doesn't work out!!!  God help the animals and children!   She stunk up the carrier deck on not one, but two songs.  Randy, bless his heart, said *if you are going to come dressed like that...you better have a voice*.  Jennifer who was not impressed with her outfit said *it wouldn't matter if she wore a granny dress...her voice is not good*. 

The second contestant was a pretty and sweet single mom who needs this to support her daughter.  She is a generic diva and belted out *And I Will Always Love You* with some variation. If she makes it through Hollywood she will be the favorite of some of the Diva Lovers. 

The third guy...who doesn't have a plan B...called Jerrod or Jareth Gibson is generic  R & B .  He made it through, generically.

Aubrey Deckmeyer is someone I could learn to loathe pretty easily.  She is a pretty girl who couldn't remember whether she was auditioning for American Idol or America's Next Top Model.  She had a generically sweet voice and did some fakey cutesy stuff.  She strikes me as a generic biotch.  Gag me.  

Alli Shields (Plant #1)  comes to the auditions via the Ellen show.  She wrote a song about Ellen, appeared on her show, and did some guest spot work for Ellen's production.  She did a rap song, did her version of a ghetto dance (butt out shaking), and then finally sang a real song.   With a nasally voice which was generic Megan Joy.  She seemed fun and had enormous confidence but not a lot of talent.

Next we meet Kyle Cruise,  the college boy who is really proud that he is in a fraternity.  He came dressed like one of the characters in Revenge of the Nerds and has a reputation as a ladies' man.  They thought he was awesome.  His voice was generically pop like maybe Michael Buble or Scott the Blind Guy?

In comes another plant, Jim Carrey's daughter Jane.  She wants to make it on her own...and to her credit she mentioned she actually has one or two real jobs and she isn't living off of her dad's fortune or doing sex tapes which are conveniently leaked to the internet.  She isn't even making a living showing up a nightclubs that pay her to come and press the flesh of the ordinary patrons (ala Paris Hilton and all the Kardashians). She doesn't have a reality show.  But, she doesn't sing that well either.  She is the generic auditioner who has a sweet but weak voice  and is normally told to *come back next year*.  Except she made it through...not, I think, on her own. 

Finally, we have generic blue collar country singer guy, Jason *Wolf* Hamlin who is a mechanic in real life and has a dead father who made Wolf's guitar (before he died) .  Wolf also acts like he's a bit crazy.   I think he might end up on the cusp in Hollywood but be cut before the final 24 in typical Idol sob story style.

The judges gave away 53 golden tickets in San Diego and went on and on about how great the field was.   I can only assume that they didn't feature the great ones...because this group was decidedly generic.   Or maybe the planes and boats affected their ears to the point that they really didn't hear how weak this group was.     

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Oh Happy (Hallie) Day!

Due to technical difficulties with the local Fox station, I essentially missed the first 3 contestants tonight.  I could see but not hear the first one...the Asian guy with glasses; could hear but not see the second guy (the Grimm brother); and missed the third entirely. 

So, the show really started for me with Creighton from NYC.  When he said he was going to sing his own song I cringed...normally those songs are rubbish.  And his was rubbish but he sang it well.  I liked his voice. 

Eben, the 15 year old seems like a great young kid.  I wonder if his voice will change during the season?  But he is still a baby and doesn't interest me all that much.

I felt bad for the Coal Miner's son.  I suspect those judges and the pre-judges have heard Hallelujah so much by now they are ready to throw right on up on it and anyone who sings it.  I love the song but Lee DeWyze, Simon his pandering enabler,  and Lee's chorus of angels ruined it for me.  Crystal was robbed and that is all there is to it.

Another grown up enters the room.  I liked Erika a lot and her alto voice.  I suspect it will hurt her with the Diva lovers though since I don't envision her belting out *And I Will Always Love You* and *And I'm Not Going*.  She may be a dark horse or she may fade away.

Travis is making his 2nd attempt to go to Hollywood and this time his sob story carries him through.  Crappy about his mom leaving but I think he would have been leaving without a golden ticket if she had not abandoned the family.  I think he better be studying for his GED because his voice is ordinary.  

Another ordinary voice was the sister of the Planker.  Whose name I did not write down.  I would be surprised if we see much of her in the future but you never know.  

And then...magic happened.  Hallie Day.  She has a sob story.  She also has an amazing voice.  I think of *I Will Survive* as a joke song (I really do think it would be fun to have it played at my funeral but I will be dead then so won't get to enjoy the joke).  So..why did I suddenly find myself with tears in my eyes as she was singing?  I wish they had shown her second song...if she did sing one.   I hope she can stand up to the backbiters and divas in Hollywood because she is NOT ordinary by any means.  I don't see her attracting the diva lovers though.

The diva lovers are those annoying women on the American Idol fan boards who always think that the one who sings the loudest and the highest and the most banal ballads is going to be the next Whitney Houston or Barbara Streisand.  Last year, Pia was their favorite.  According to them, Pia would be outselling JLo, Beyonce, and Susan Boyles  by now and pushing Kim Kardashian off of tabloid covers and Pippa Middleton off of the fashion sheets...so beloved would she be.  Instead, Pia broke up with her DWTS boyfriend and is just now getting someone to give her studio time to make an album. She might as well have moved to Minnesota with Kris Humphries and had babies because no one cares. 

So, its early for me to have a favorite but right now its Hallie Day.  She may flame out in Hollywood or prove to be a real biotch and kick Eben out of her Hollywood group so I will try to contain myself for now. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Baby Love!

No..I  have no baby love but the Idol producers are clearly enamored with the young ones after the McCreery/Alaina one two punch last season.  When the oldest auditioner in the first 40 minutes is 17 you know its going to be a long long season.  I don't find these under 18 contestants endearing or cute and in fact find some of them revolting.  Caveat:  I love the real babies in my life but they are not auditioning for American Idol...if they were I would cut their mothers from my will. 

Thank goodness we were spared of too many loser auditions...you know when they show somebody saying *I'm going to be the next American Idol* they are going to stink up the house.  I did get a bit of a kick out the the African Country singer wannabe but he had about twice as much airtime as was necessary. 

Standouts for me tonight in one way or another:

David Leathers (Mr. Steal Your Girl).  I think he will be prominently featured in the Hollywood segments.  I'm not a fan of his falsetto but he seems like a decent enough kid even though at 17, he is practically a senior citizen in the group.

Shannon Mag...something.  Her dad pitched for the Cardinals in a World Series but no one remembered him.  She is very tall.  I thought her voice was OK.  Steven put his foot in it commenting on her hotness in front of her dad.  Very uncomfortable moment. Equally uncomfortable was watching her mother mouth the words and perform behind her like a pageant mom on Toddlers and Tiaras.  You could almost hear her mom thinking *SPARKLE baby!*

Amy from Tennesee who lives in a tent (Hipsy).  I liked her a lot but I'm guessing she will be chewed up in Hollywood by some divas.  Hopefully she will last long enough to make a few bucks and can get out of the tent.  Steven liked her a lot because he is a big Nature Boy and loves the forests.  I know this because I read his autobiography this summer.  (Your blogger is hard at work to keep you readers fully informed of all things Idol...even in the off season).  

Stephanie Renee.  I'm guessing her surname is Crumplebutt or something like that and she is following Alaina's lead in dumping an unappealing name.  I'm hoping she won't be Alaina/Suddeth redux.  At least we didn't see a pageant mom in the backround.

Skylar/Colton.  Poor Skylar.  I really wanted to throttle the judges who fawned all over her brother and treated her like she was a turd in their punchbowl.   I was not overly impressed with either one.  But I get the feeling that Colton is the Kim Kardashian of the family and poor Skylar is the Khloe. 

Lauren Mink.  I was prepared to hate her for her blonde perfectness and her name alone.  Then we found out she has a real job doing real good work and I was rooting for her to sing really well.  I don't think she sang that well, but neither did Gwneth Paltrow when she sang the song in the movie of the same name.

Ashley *Joyhopper*.  I think she is going to get real old real quick.  I predict a major meltdown diva moment in Hollywood.  

WT Thompson.  The rocket scientist who quit his job at a federal prison with a wife who is six month pregnant.  He should have been sent home without a ticket for stupidity and selfishness alone.  And he really was pretty mediocre.  

I really don't have anything to say about Brittany in the skin tight pants.  I hope she disappears so I don't have to think of something to say about her in the future.

The judges loved Phillip Phillips so he will be a big feature in Hollywood.  I thought he was OK.  Maybe you had to be in the room to feel the *electricity*.  

I cannot finish without commenting on the *Steven Tyler is a sex god* segment.  Didn't that woman who called him her future ex-husband look just like Tonya Harding with black hair?  Maybe it was Tonya!  If I were Steven I would worry about her stalking him.  All of those ladies must have missed this photo of Steven, taken on his vacation in Hawaii http://www.tmz.com/2012/01/02/steven-tyler-topless-maui/#.TwKNqfKwUV0 .  Does a lifetime of drug-abuse cause man boobs? 

Well, these audition shows are tedious.  I hope there are some adults auditioning in Pittsburgh.  

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Its That Time Again!

Welcome to the FOURTH year of our blog!  As a reminder, Auntee posts in red and KK posts in blue.  We will be happy to slog through the very boring audition episodes for you and let you know who to watch out for in Hollywood!  And who to love and who to hate.