Thanks for reading our blog. We welcome comments. To comment, click on * (x) comments* following each post. A box will appear at the bottom of the post allowing you to share your opinions with us and the rest of our readers.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Disappointment to End All Disappointment

I wasn't going to watch AI's finale ...

I wasn't going to blog anymore this year ...

But I did, and now I am.  Because I'm sad.  

It's well established that this was a bummer of a season as a whole.  Auntee and I didn't have any clear favorites, or any real nemeses.  We tried to hate Shannon Migraine, then Stage-child Jessica, and then Heejun's track pants ... the problem, though, was that so many of these contestants were hateable.  Like, ALL of them, at one point or another.  

Then the judges and there insipid standing ovations.  And the constant praise.  Not every performance was good, guys.  Most were self indulgent, about 2 were original/creative, and none were worthy of your constant jack-in-the-boxing.

Then the finale.  I tuned in because the finales are always star-studded, and even if the top 13 don't float my boat, there will be a star who does.  

Let's talk about previous stars that have performed on AI:
One Republic!
Celine Dion!
Green Day!
Mariah Carey!
Rascal Flatts!
Snoop Dog!

Last night ...

Two words:  Neil Diamond.
 He was, single handedly, THE finale. 

The other "stars"

Phil paired with John Fogerty (yawn)
Jessica paired with herself (singing a repeat song)

Joshua and Fantasia (Idol alum) screeched through a song

Girls sang with Chaka Kahn
Boys (mostly DeAndre, unfortunately) sang with Neil Baby

Skylar sang with Reba McEntire

Hollie sang with Jordin Sparks (Idol alum)
Jessica sang with Jennifer Holliday (who?)

JLo does a 37 minute lipsync

Aerosmith does a 39 minute performance (proving they're not feuding after all, except why is Joe Perry so pissed about sharing that mic with Steven Tyler?)

Then then the feather in the cap of an entirely disappointing season:

The white guy with the guitar wins.  Again.  For the 27th season in a row.  


Thursday, May 17, 2012

See You In January!

This is the second season I cannot bear to watch the finale so this will be my last post of the year.  It seems to me the two worst contestants are in the finale and I feel bad for Joshua.  I can only hope the tweens and frauen take Phillip to victory over Bibi's little smug smart ass and her evil tiger mother. 

I didnt' watch the entire show tonight because I'm frankly sick of this season.  Instead I watched an old episode of Wife Swap for most of the hour and just tuned in to see the results. 

Wasting Time

I'm with KK.  I hate this season of Idol.  It was all I could do to turn it on tonight to see the final three perform. I should have seen it coming way back when I really didn't LOVE any of these contestants in the top 13 (and now I can barely remember most of them) but I tried to get into it with Erika, Elise, Skylar and Hollie.  I must be honest, I thought tonight's show would be tantamount to descending into the 9th Circle of Hell (or at least a Sesame Street Live performance).  Not quite as bad as I feared, but tedious nevertheless.  

As far as tonight is concerned, Elise should be singing *Whole Lotta Love* because that is all it was about.  These judges have coddled, praised, and pushed these three contestants down our throats so much this season that for them to actually judge their performances would have been a miracle.  At this point, as far as the judges are concerned, these contestants are *too big to fail* and they double down on the judge's voter stimulus package.    

The judges evidently chose the songs for the contestants jointly with perhaps one of them having more say so than the others for the three contestants.  They couldn't have designed who chooses for whom more perfectly.  Randy gets the black guy, Jennifer gets the girl and Steven gets the (so-called) original genius Phillips.  The contestants choose a song and then Jimmy chooses one for them.  Ok, now we know the playing field.   

The Joshua Story: 

A preachers son from Westlake, Louisiana, Joshua returns home with a police escort .  It looks like his community really loves him, he has a darling niece Chloe, the highschool he attended was thrilled to see him as well as the church congregation.  And, he packs the stadium which is great for his concert.  So, we like Joshua (even if he does mention Obama) and it appears he is a well-loved person by family and friends and his community.  Yay for him...seriously.  

His first song, introduced by Randy, is Etta James' I'd Rather Go Blind because Randy wants Joshua's R&B chops to shine.  I'm thinking Randy didn't do Joshua any favors with the voting audience because unless you are really an R&B fan or an Etta James fan you probably have never heard this song before (its not like he picked At Last).  Joshua starts out rather restrained for him and then ends it on the moon.  Standing O from the judges.  

Joshua chooses Imagine for his second song.  Now this song for Idol viewers, has nothing to do with John Lennon.  This song is all about David Archuletta who sang it at least twice during his season and probably still sings it every time he gets 2 or 3 people gathered together which as far as I can tell is about the number of people he gets to sing to these days.  I liked Joshua's version better but it still had way too much melisma to it and of course, he left out the controversial line about imagining there is no religion because that would be blasphemy given his beliefs.  The fact that that line was probably the most important line to John Lennon is immaterial...it is not an anti-war song anymore...its a sappy *we are the world song*  designed to make voters weep and pick up the phone.  The judges were surprised, Randy makes Joshua explain why he chose it (and Joshua probably lies about his reason...duh..Randy...its to get votes dawg!). The judges praised it but it didn't get a standing O so now the audience is wondering if Joshua is slipping.

Jimmy chooses Mary J. Blige's No More Drama and Joshua gives it his all.  For the first time in many years I watched the Grammy's this year and for the first time actually liked Mary J. Blige.  Joshua does fine but I'm not sure I get the jumping up and down part and the feet stomping part.  The judges love it and praise his performance skills to the skies (and of the three left, he is the only one who actually moves around the stage so I guess that praise is somewhat merited) and Joshua's fate is up to the voters. 

The Jessica/Bibi Story.

Jessica takes a helicopter from LA to San Diego for her big homecoming.  She tells us before the video runs that she was home schooled and doesn't have that many friends because she is a sort of a nerd.  How about its because you are sort of a bitch whose stage parents don't let you have a life and that you don't give a hoot about friends because its all about you?  She points out the stadium *where it all began* and sits in the seat she supposedly occupied during the cattle call portion of the competition.  IF she sat in that stadium it was with a big star on her ticket because there is no way she was not planted in the competition.  There is a parade  (where boys supposedly ran after her car) along with an event with the mayor and some decent looking crowds.  If she gave a concert we don't see it.  We do see her singing acapella to a boat load of sailors who were ordered to attend, may or may not have ever heard of her,  and were probably so glad of a break in their routine, they would have cheered for a barking dog.  Maybe she had a concert or maybe not.  If she did, I suspect the crowd paled in comparison to Phillips and Joshua's crowd or they would have shown it to us...but who knows. (I suppose I could research this if I cared to but I do not).  

Jennifer chooses a Mariah Carey song for Jessica and spends about 5 minutes explaining that she wants us to see Jessica's *tender* side.  Good luck with that.  This girl has a hide like a rhinocerous and two emotions:  a) I'm the biggest star; and b) I'm pissed you don't recognize that I am the biggest star.   Jennifer doesn't tell us the name of the song but if you are a Mariah fan you probably know it.  I am not.  It is a hard song to sing and Jessica runs out of breath several times but doesn't butcher it irredeemably so she gets lots of praise and even a kudo to Randy for showing that *breathless* quality that Mariah has.  Well, I'm not a Mariah fan but I don't think her *breathless* quality comes from running out of breath.  Randy reminds us how close he is to Mariah.  Next he will be claiming to be the father of her twins.  Shut up Randy.

Jessica, like Joshua, chooses a song designed not only to get her votes but also to suck up to Steven.  She sings *I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing* robotically but with enough glory notes to make people think she is something special.  The judges love it and I'm thinking Whaa?  This was karaoke...and I bet 100,000 drunk college kids have sung it almost as well in bars throughout the country over the past 13 years.  She brings nothing new to this song at all.

Jimmy Iovine, who is still laboring under the delusion that Jessica is a 16 year old girl (and not an automaton channeling the voice and mannerisms of every popular woman singer since Whitney) chooses the Jackson 5's *I'll Be There* because it is the first age appropriate song Jessica has sung all season.  Big fail.  She just mimics Michael Jackson to start, shifts to a lower register which sounds like she chose it because she cannot hit the high notes (I guess that is the Jermaine part that Jennifer referred to) and then goes high again and I think loses the pitch at least once...even on the ending glory note.  Again, (with credit to Dorothy Parker) her emotions run the gamut from A to B.  Randy says something sane for a change by calling it just ok.  Steven and Jennifer are too heavily invested here and won't admit Jessica gave a mediocre, karoake, lounge singer performance.

The Phillips Story

Phillips goes home to small town Georgia and everyone is happy to see him but the video seems odd.  He arrives after dark but doesn't see his mom and dad until the next day?  He has a huge concert, lots of fans, lots of love, and has his mom and dad in the parade with him (did Jessica let anyone ride in the parade with her?).   His concert looks packed to the rafters too so good for him.  (As much as I'm critical of his talent, I think the kid is a decent young man).  I like the stuffed turkey in the pawn shop.

Steven announces the judges choice for Phillips is *Beggin* and that they chose it so that Phillips would sing a melody.  (Evidently, they have just noticed over the past 2 weeks that Phillips cannot carry a tune).  I am not familiar with this song but it doesn't matter because it sounds like every other song Phillips has sung for the past 15 weeks so...no surprise when he gets high praise for it even if he did not sing the melody.  

Phillips chooses *Disease* as his second song and I am giddy at just the announcement of the song title. What irony!  I do not know this one either but again it doesn't matter because he sounds like he always does. At least with this song, the pained expression on his face somewhat matches the song's lyrics.  The judges are dismayed that he doesn't do something more dramatic (I guess they thought he would transform into  Andrea Bocelli at this point?) and throw him toward the bus but not quite under it.

Jimmy comes to the rescue for Phillip and chooses Bob Seger's *We've Got Tonight*.  I knew I loved Jimmy for a reason.  He chooses a song which I don't recall ever being performed on Idol before (correct me if I'm wrong) and it is one of my all time classic bring back memories of my wild and unfettered youth favorites.  I'm thinking *hmmm maybe this will make me see the Phillips love*.  Well, sort of.  Phillips does a soft, subdued version, attempts to stay on key, and for once doesn't look like he's passing a kidney stone while he sings it.  But he sings it like he expects the girl to stay and is just giving her a line like *you are so special*.  Bob Seger sang it like he would be lucky if the girl stayed and really needed to persuade her stay.  Its all in the chorus.  Go listen to the original...Phillips could have cut loose on this one and still kept it tender but he did a wussified version.  For once, when he should have sounded pained, he did not.  Weird.

And then, in a statement which pretty much sums up this WTF season of Idol, Steven tells Phillips *it doesn't matter if you hit the notes as long as you have passion*.  I'm sure Elise and Holly were about ready to throttle him.    

So...tomorrow I will learn if Bibi has conned America all the way to the finals.  I agree with Big J's prediction that she will release an album of covers, it will not sell all that well, and she will sink into oblivion until mama puts her on yet another reality show or gets her adopted into the Kardashian family who will provide her with boob and butt enhancments and a professional athelete or rap star to date.  

According to Dial Idol (which has been flakey this year), Phillips is a shoe-in and it will be close between Jessica and Joshua.  





Friday, May 11, 2012

Changing Gears

A girl can admit she was wrong ...

My problem here, is that I pretty much hate all of these contestants.  Never before has an American Idol season disappointed me so much.  I made a rash, flailing decision based on the downward spiral that this season has become. 

I watched this week's performances.  I fast-forwarded through all the BS, but I watched the performances.  

I really liked Phil Phillip's Volcano.  Like, REALLY liked it.  Like, for only the 2nd time this season, I asked MrKK to download a song for me. 

Plus, he's a stoner.  I know and love a lot of stoners.  Stoners are good peeps.  

And what really clinched my change of heart was the fact that I just can NOT get past Jessica's attitude, entitlement, faux-compassion, and general dislikeability.  Also, she was on the fricking PIANO again!!!  I really do just hate her. 

So, let's talk about the good parts of last night's show:

DAVID COOK!!!  I love him.  (1) He's so hot.  Has he gotten hotter as he becomes more famous? I think so. (2) His song was better than just about anything else I've heard on the Idol stage this entire season. 

Oh, and Hollie's grace and dignity upon being (non-surprisingly) voted out.  She's such a sweet little thing, and I hope she has much success. 

THAT, Jessica, is how you do humble and lovely.

Ugh, on to next week, I guess.

I Want a Parade!

Well, its not like KK didn't tell us so. I must admit I held out a slim bit of hope until the end that Hollie might pick up Skylar's votes and squeak past one of the Treasured Triad and get to go home in glory to McKinney, Texas. 

I will note that Jessica was just as insufferable last night as usual.  She doesn't want to go home for her family and friends...she wants the PARADE!. 

So, I hated the results and I'm having a really hard time getting excited about watching next week. 

Half of the middle of the show was good because we got to see David Cook, who is still the ultimate White Guy With Guitar and always will be.  The other half was J'Lo's lip synched, auto tuned pre-recorded dreck of a revenge song to her ex-husband about dancing again.  Her boy toy was briefly featured.  I especially loved how they tried to make it look like she was performing live by having her hide from the judges table in the introduction.  She can dance...I will give her that. 

I thought Hollie had one of the most gracious exits of any booted contestant I've seen on Idol.  She said goodbye to her buddies, she shook hands with the judges in a ladylike way, and just exuded class. 

But, she was doomed before the show began last night. 

And, while its doubtful I'm going to vote next week, I have to strongly disagree with KK.  I do not want the little brat to win.  I would rather we get a half-baked WGWG as the idol than Bibi.


Thursday, May 10, 2012

The backs of my eyelids

Auntee wins this round, because I watched something else entirely last night ... the backs of my eyelids.  

Yeah, it's on my DVR.  

I suppose I'll watch it before the results show so that I can blog about how annoyed I am with the judges' pandering, Jessica's attitude, Phil's contorting, Joshua's screaming, and Hollie getting pushed around.

Though I can pretty much guarantee you that my actual post will be just a long version of my above paragraph.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

You Can't Make Me Love You Jessica Sanchez and I Wish You Were Going

Blarg!  Are we there yet? I'm not sure I can go the distance to the finale.

I had a wonderful day having lunch with art friends (although got a little overheated wandering the local botanical garden taking photos), stopped for a delicious cherry limemade on the way home, then took a 3 hour nap.  I woke up at 6 pm and got on the internet to look at art stuff and totally forgot about Idol until 7:13 pm.  Mr. Auntee was hoping I had *kicked the habit* but he was disappointed as I tuned in in time to hear Hollie sing her first song, Faithfully, by Journey.  

Hollie did a great job although I noted she was in the *death spot*, performing second.  Randy of course had to tell us at least three time he was once in Journey and how well he knew the song.  Blah blah blah.

Having missed the first part of the show, I had no idea what the theme was, but Joshua comes on next singing *You Lift Me Up* to his father.  Joshua knows how to milk the voters and the crowd but he can also sing well and I did get kind of teary eyed when he sang this.  He went back to his gospel roots which I enjoyed.  No standing O though, although the judges were way happy with it.

Jessica comes on and is sitting on her piano again doing her lounge singer routine singing an Etta James song which I should be familiar with, but I am not.  If you remember the name of it, good for you.  She basically growls her way through it (and I'm not opposed to growly in the right places), does a few fake finger moves, and is given great praise for a rather underwhelming and fakey performance.  The stylists listened to Jimmy and instead of putting her in a cheap skimpy dress, put her in a track suit.   I can only think what a brat she is.  

Then Phillips and Joshua do a duet of *This Love*, or rather Joshua sings and Phillips grunts the words artistically if not harmonically alongside him.  The judges really love it because its Phillips and Joshua.  I thought it was sing songy, ordinary pap.  

The girls sing a duet of the Bangles Eternal flame and start out on swings for some reason.  Hollie is carrying the melody while Jessica walks around like she is too good to be sharing the stage with Hollie.  Jessica does not play well with others and sort of pouts the low harmony votes.  Randy is pissed off because Jessica did not outsing Hollie and makes no bones about it.  No compliments to Hollie...he just hated it because he couldn't hear Jessica.  Portent of things to come for Hollie.  

Then the top 4 do a version of Waiting For a Girl Like You and Hollie and Joshua carry the load for the still pouting Jessica and the tone-deaf Phillips.  

Ryan's girlfriend, Juliane Hough, and Adam Shankman get a bunch of free publicity for their new movie.  I like Adam Shankman...he is one of the judges on So You Think You Can Dance and believe me I cannot wait for Idol to be over and SYTYCD to start.  

We have wasted enough time so we see the contestants with Jimmy's comments go the 2nd round with *a song they wish they had written*.  Yeah...right.  Only Phillips and Hollie seem to take this theme seriously.  Joshua and Jessica cannily pick songs they can belt over the top with knowing that is what the typical Idol voter is impressed with while Phillips and Hollie choose understated songs. 

Phillips sings Volcano by Damien Rice which appears to be about a pedophile resisting temptation.  I am not familiar with the song and had to go look up the lyrics to see if I got the message right.  I imagine the tweens voting for Phillips are melting away right now imagining he is singing this to them and the frauen voting for Phillips are imagining they are singing it to him.  The judges go on and on about how with THIS performance he has turned into his own person as an artist...completely oblvious to the load of crap they have been selling us from the beginning about what an original Phillips has been, is and always will be world without end amen.  Jimmy had a come to Jesus with himself after he criticized Phillips so harshly last week...and told himself *Jimmy...this guy is going to be the Idol so you better start selling him now even if he is still doing the same old same old growly crap he started with and cannot carry a tune in a backpack.*  Phillips performance is very understated and Jennifer calls it *poignant*.

So, Jimmy tell's Hollie not to oversing the Bonnie Riatt's song *I Can't Make You Love Me*, she doesn't oversing it, and bless Hollie's heart, she can't make the judges love her for more than one song ever.  I thought she did a very nice job with it but no...they wanted power Hollie not poignant Hollie (or to be really honest about it...no more Hollie and they will probably get their wish). 

Joshua does James Brown's Its A Mans World and I suspect that is what the finale to this season will end up being.  He gets a standing O.  It was great but I'm getting tired of them loving up on Joshua and tired of Joshua.  

And now, Bibi comes out and sings *And I Am Telling You* to let us know that she is not going anywhere so *F you America*.  Bibi thinks *Jennifer Holiday* sang this song and I hope she doesn't run into Jennifer Hudson any time soon.  She blasts this one to the rafters and is smart enough not to move.  Standing O from the judges.  Cat eating canary look on Jessica's face.  Ooooh she thinks she is so hot.  I cannot stand to look at her any more.  My only consolation is that when she goes home to San Diego the crowds will be sparse because if they don't turn out in force for Adam Lambert, they are not going to turn out for her. 

Going home is Hollie who has had a brave run and I love her for it. 

I'm not sure I can stomach watching the rest of the season after Hollie goes.  I suppose then I will root for Joshua because I just cannot force myself to root for the brat even though she is a girl. 

I'm signing off now in a crabby snit! 


Monday, May 7, 2012

Mysogyny at its Finest!

Yes, readers, this is happening.

Yes, it's really me, and No, I'm not drunk.  

I'm going to ask you a favor:


Here are the facts:

1.  Nobody really likes any of the remaining contestants.
2.  Hollie isn't going to win this thing.

3.  A female hasn't won Idol since May 2007.  MAY 2007!  

4.  If America doesn't vote for Jessica Sanchez THIS WEEK, right now, then Josh and Phil will glide into the Finale.

5.  In a Josh/Phil finale, the tweens have won.  

Yet another winner is chosen because he is either (1) the contestant tweens want to date, or (2) the contestant tweens want to be BFFs with.

And when the tweens win, nobody wins, folks. 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I Hate to Say I Told You So

And, I mean I really hate it tonight.   I figured it was going to be Skylar or Hollie, but was hoping Skylar would stick around for another week or so. Now, I am just watching the show for the moment when Bibi goes home.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I Don't Have To Say I Love You Jessica Sanchez

For the first time, I can sort of understand those people who go on the Idol Message Boards just to say: *I'M NEVER WATCHING AMERICAN IDOL AGAIN*. Or, *THIS IS MY LAST POST...GOODBYE FOREVER*.  Its not even that I was so invested in Elise as I knew she stood about as much chance of winning American Idol as I do.  It is just that this season's contestants haven't grabbed me from the beginning all that much and she was the one bright spot I looked forward to each week.  So, I really wasn't looking forward to watching tonight's show.  Then I saw the song list and thought...well at least I know the songs they are singing this week and maybe some performances will be good.  And some were.  And some made me cringe and some made me laugh out loud at their sheer awfulness. 

Jimmy is back this week along with Steven Van Zandt of E Street Band and Soprano's fame.  Actually, their segments were one of the highlights of tonight's show.   I want to marry Jimmy and have Steven Van Zandt as my best man.  You all may not share my obession.

Holly is up first singing River Deep Mountain High.  As you Idol trivia people may remember, this song was the one Pia plodded through the week she was dumped by America the sane last year.  It is not a song I really heard much before Pia dragged it off of a Glee episode and turned it into a funeral dirge.  So, I was very nervous for Hollie.  It sounded like a completely different song to me when Hollie sang it.  I thought she nailed it.  Thankfully, the judges agreed.  But Hollie is going first this week and that is not good for votes.

Up next is Phillip Manbearpig.  He does his *Phil Phillips* magic with a song which has lots of memories for me, The Letter by the Boxtops.  This song came out about the time I was getting ready to go away to college and leave my boyfriend behind.  So, I know this song's melody like the back of my old wrinkled hand.  The Phil Phillips' treatment consists of taking all the melody away and grunting a lot in stacatto.  Jennifer, not knowing the song, wonders where the melody was.  Well, *baby*, I've been wondering where the melody is in Phillips' song treatments for the past 10 weeks.  Glad you finally noticed there isn't any.   

Of course, the judges think he doesn't even need an aeroplane to get to the finale...he can walk on water all the way there.

Skylar is up next and Jimmy and Steven talk her into doing Credence Clearwater's Fortunate Son. I'm not sure this is doing her any favors as its a little sixties rebel for her target audience, but she delivers it like a pro.  The judges like it but don't gush a lot , so considering what they usually do for Joshua and Jessica, their reaction comes off as a bit of damning with faint praise.

They try to make us think that Phillip and Joshua don't want to sing together and maybe they don't.  They are singing the all time classic Righteous Brother's song, You've Lost That Loving Feeling.  I'm pretty sure the Righteous Brother's album was one of the very first that Auntee and KK's mama bought when we were tweens.  We drooled over them and their music like tweens now do over Justin Bieber.  We particularly liked the tall, dark handsome one whose part Phillip takes.  Phillip is a big fail and we are beginning to see that Manbearpig has no clothes so to speak (well its pretty obvious from his photo above) in that he really cannot sing very well if he has to carry a tune.  He is pitchy and I know this song so I'm confident he was pitchy on it.  He ruined the harmonies.  I thought it was a disaster but the judges are so into the budding bromance and pimping the two of them that Joshua and Phillips get a pass on this desecration of a sacred song.

I would really rather go to the dentist than watch Jessica Bibi Chez Sanchez take on Tina Turner's Proud Mary.  But Randy suggested she watch some Tina Turner videos last week to get her some *rock* creds and so she takes him to heart.  Her voice is fine, but something is wrong with the backup or the arrangment because it starts off sounding not just slow (as it should) but slow and weak.  She is swaying her hips like a hula dancer.  Then the song gets lively and she marches around the stage lifting up her legs a bit before reverting back to hula dancing.  (She is attempting and failing to do the 60's dance craze...The Pony...which I'm pretty sure she has no clue about).  I swear KK's daughter could imitate Tina Turner better than Bibi.  Steven and Jennifer love it, but Randy finally has the balls to say she basically sucked.

The first half closes with our judge's favorite son, Joshua.  He does Motown, the Temptations Ain't Too Proud to Beg, with backup singers doing the Motown moves as he tries to keep up with them.  Its good.  The judges don't stand for a change...perhaps they were shamed by the ridicule they have been receiving for their jack in the box approach to Joshua judgment.  Joshua has a flower in his lapel.  It is a daffodil.  Ryan thinks its a tulip.  But then, he also thinks the Kardashian's are good tv and produces their fat asses all the way to the banks for them and him. Ryan has a problem with real life as opposed to reality tv. 

The second half begins and I'm getting a little weary.  I want the show to end with Joshua, Hollie, and Skylar doing the best.  Screw Manbearpig and Bibi. 

Hollie takes on another monster, Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis, Simon's Cowell's big British X Factor discovery.  I think Hollie sings it better than Leona does, but Leona makes me feel creepy and so does Simon Cowell these days. (Random piece of info:  Simon insists on having black toilet paper at his mansions.  I don't know what this means but it cannot be good).   Randy says Hollie is peaking at the right time. 

Manbearpig takes on the Zombies *Time of the Season*.  This is also a song that I know well.  This nearly had me laughing if it wasn't so painful.  Phillip's limited range is obvious as he strains for the high note (which isn't that high), his voice cracks, and he misses the note painfully.  Not once...but every single time.  The judges simply do not want to face the fact that this Manbearpig cannot sing.  They praise him profusely for being able to *sing a melody*. Again, WTF?  I thought the whole point of this show was to sing a melody but apparently, as far as Phillips is concerned, the whole point for the judges has been watching him growl and grunt and staccato his way through every song he sings.   This is beginning to border on a psychic break from reality for the judges. 
  Time to call in Manbearpig's nemesis!

Skylar, Jessica, and Hollie come out and all pretend to be big buddies.  I think Hollie and Skylar actually are, but Jessica's enthusiasm for her co-stars seems a little forced.  They sing Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher and its fine.  Randy does some namedropping about Jackie Wilson and his falsetto. 

Skylar makes a smart move and sings an old standard You Don't Have to Say You Love Me by Dusty Springfield.  Obviously you are old when you remember watching her perform this on Shindig or Hootenanny.  Or maybe American Bandstand.  I think Skylar is fantastic singing this song.  I am transferring my Elise love and my few votes to her.  The judges love it too but they don't love her as much as they do Joshua, Phillip and Bibi, so...doesn't bode well for her this week.  Bottom 3 again.

Jessica doesn't like the term lounge singer, but of course, that is exactly what she is.  She takes a great Joe Cocker song and even with the 12 string instead of the piano behind her, she turns truffles into American cheese.  She fakes a pout or two, there is smoke blowing up her ass, and once again she blows smoke up the judges' and America's ass with her overabundance of melisma and vibrato and sad looks.  Gag me.  

To close the night on a lot of high notes, Joshua sings A Bee Gee's classic The Way I Love You (I think thats the title).  He is very good.   I really wouldn't mind if he wins the whole thing if it keeps Bibi and Manbearpig from the prize but I'm not going to waste my time voting for him.  The judges cannot resist standing again.  Randy mentions Robin Gibbs is sick.  Namedrop number 3 or 4 tonight.  I will forgive him tonight because he hated Bibi's Proud Mary.  

Bottom 3:  Skylar, Hollie, and Jessica.  Going home...Skylar or Hollie.       

Friday, April 27, 2012

Jamar Rogers for the WIN

Confession:  I spend my voting time elsewhere.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you MUST watch this:

Lenny Kravitz 

or this: Bon Jovi 

or this:  Foreigner  

or this:  White Stripes  

How is THIS KID not on Idol?  Oh yeah, Gokey's dead wife.

Back to the task at hand ...

Here's how the rest of the AI competition will pan out:

Next week:  Hollie out
Then:  Skylar out
Then:  Jessica out

Wait a minute!  How'd we get ANOTHER male winner?!?

And lets face it, with a Joshua v Phil finale, who really cares? 

Yes, I'll still watch.  Begrudgingly.  
Just like I watched Lauren Alaina lose to Scotty McCreery after my favorite, Haley Reinhart, was voted off.  

But I don't have to be happy about it.

Boo America!

Obviously, I'm not happy with American Idol voters tonight. I'm not even going to try to act philosophical about it.  Now, who am I going to look forward to each week?  Jumpin Jack Flash Joshua?  Phony Baloney Bibi Chez/Jessica?  Phillips in pain?  Humiliated Hollie?  Six-shooter Skylar?

I will say Jimmy was right about Elise's song choices.  When I saw the Queen song she was going to sing and listened to it yesterday afternoon on Youtube I wondered if it packed enough punch.  And then the Hendrix song was a huge risk which didn't pay off (although I wonder if the judges had given her the same credit for *artistry* that they did Phillips it might have gone over better).   But I really don't think it mattered what she sang.  She was too old, too female, and too different to make it much further. 

I think I will go throw a tantrum now. 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Contestants choose ... boring.

Yeah, I said it.  B-o-r-i-n-g.

How can you make a night of Queen songs AND Contestant's choice (which has traditionally been the best night of them all) a snooze fest?  

Hand it to these six.  

Do I have my favorites?  Of course!  
Do I have my nemeses?  You know I do.  
Have I been moved to dial in and vote?  Not at all.

Queen Best to Worst:

Skylar - On Queen night, somebody has to sing The Show Must Go On.  You know there was name calling and hair pulling backstage and Skylar's thick bones won out.  Phew!  Maybe Elise could've sung it, but I not this well.  

Elise - I was totally distracted by the tambourine.  But she held her own against the massive crowd of background singers, which is more than I can say for ...

 Hollie - Save Me was an obvious plea to America to get her away from her stylist who doesn't know the difference between an adorable little teenage girl and a middle aged politician.  She bent over a lot, which I guess showed emotion.

Phillip Phillips - Had an extraordinarily large family cheering section - complete with matching Phil-face t-shirts - for a bunch of people who had to beg for money for airline tickets.  My "memory" of Fat Bottomed Girls was listening to it sung by drunk frat boys 87,000 times/night as I bartended my way through law school.  Phil's version would've fit right in there.  It certainly wasn't any better.

Joshua - Maybe I just don't get it.  He was singing into a CB radio, for crying out loud!

Jessica Sanchez - Didn't the judges JUST talk to her about singing songs fit for a 16 year old girl?  Bohemian Rhapsody is NOT a love song.  Put in as many runs and beautiful (over sung) notes as you want ... but you'll be ruining it.  We've all seen the better version of this song:

Did you really think my post would exclude this screenshot?

As a side note:  Every blog I've read this morning has commented on how Baby Of The Week is the only "rocker" who could've excelled on Queen night (because Elise is a woman, and of course can't be a rocker.)  Really?!?  Baby Of The Week thought Gaga's racy lyrics "alienated his fan base" and got him voted off.  But Queen's lyrics - about killing guys and girls with big asses - those would've been okay?  

Contestant's Choice Best to Worst:

Hollie!  (This is the second time in several weeks she's been up top with an exclamation point after her name!)  There is no question she sang The Climb better than Miley Cyrus herself.  There is no question she picked the right song, and none of the other contestants did.  There is no question that she won this round, hands down.  The only question I have is - if the judges stood for Hollie, and twice for Joshua, then why did they all agree Skylar stole the night, yet they never stood for her?

Phillip Phillips - There are exactly three reasons why he's this high on my list tonight:
1.  I'm a Dave Matthews fan.  DMB reminds me of my college days where I skipped classes, sat on porch-couches, and listened to music while, um, relaxing.  
Copying the contortions, too?
2.  Phil Phillips embraced the comparison and pretty much just said, "you want DMB, I'll give you DMB" and it was equal parts awesome, ironic, and hysterical.
3.  At least 2 of the 3 judges had NO IDEA he'd just sung a Dave Matthews song.  They praised him for "giving it Phil Phillips style", "being a unique artist" when he did NONE of those things.  It was the a DMB song, note for note: Judge for yourself  He should've sung Satellite, Crash, or Ants Marching, which are less artsy and more well known (to tweens) but it was still good.

Mantasia - MrKK reminded me that I downloaded Michael Lynche's version of Ready for Love, back in season 9.  So, it's not the song I don't like.  And Joshua looked super stylin in his leather jacket and scarf.  So, it's not his style I don't like.  Ya know what I think I don't like?  The judges kissing his ass every. single. time. for no apparent reason.  Over it!

Skylar - I've said it a bajillion times (particularly last season when we had country-on-country), but I'm not a country fan.  Never heard Tattoos on This Town, never need to hear it again.  Am I the only one who wanted her to stomp around and throw her hair like the Skylar Laine of yore ("yore" being February)?

Jessica Sanchez - She should've pulled the "my father is deployed" card much, much earlier this season.  Well played.  As much as I tried to hold back, I might have teared up a bit.

Elise - I'm going to admit that I had no idea Bold As Love was a Jimmy Hendrix song.  (I leave knowledge like that up to my hippy sister.)  And I didn't appreciate Elise's comment that "I thought everybody knew that song."  Randy is usually an idiot (his button said "Yo"), but he was right about her song choice.

Bottom three:  Elise, Jessica, Hollie

Going home: Elise

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I'm Mad as Hell Singing F*** the Judges

TWO standing ovations for Joshua Ledet? Ok, he doesn't suck and he seems like a nice guy but this is getting to be a farce.  But America is buying the hype as it appears he is leading the votes on Dial Idol as of this hour.  

It was a decent night for performances, with exceptions.  Queen is not in my *memory song* repertoire so none of these songs had any special meaning for me and some I had not heard until tonight.  I thought it was great the idols got to sing a medley with the Queen musicians.  They seemed really interested in the kids and wanting to *pay it forward*.  Kudos to them.  

Now for the performances:

Jessica starts off singing a completely NOT age appropriate song, Bohemian Rhapsody.  Nothing genuine in her emotions as you could see her thinking *now I'm sad...I've killed a man* and *now I'm mad they are going to kill me* and *now I'm reborn and resigned to my fate*.  Maybe she should have been thinking *mama...I've lost the title*; *stupid voters, I will show you*; and *watch me act confused and helpless America as I am saved by the judge's grace*.  The judges remain seated and compliment her vocal skills.  No one mentions that the song was completely wrong for her.  But, Steven suggests that maybe she cannot sing Rock music and Jennifer sort of agrees so I guess Jessica has to go back to singing the phonebook.  The judges remain seated.

Skylar, comes out and completely slays The Show Must Go On.  I took no notes because I was mesmerized.  Everyone on the boards wanted their favorite to sing this song (I really hoped Elise would sing it).  The judges said it was phenomenal, fabulous, she meant every word.  They remain seated. 

Joshue goes back to singing an upbeat song with A Crazy Little Thing Called Love.  It was entertaining.  He shouted a bit.  He did some sort of slide movement at the end of it which fell a little flat.  I was thinking throughout the song...surely they will not stand for this when they didn't stand for Skylar.  Nope...Randy and Steven are standing up and Jennifer takes her time but gets there too.  And I'm thinking OMG...if he farts Volare will they stand up too?  

Elise sings I Want It All and I'm just wishing she had sung the song Skyler sang.  Steven thinks its great, the judges agree its great.  I wanted more.  Still I love Elise.

Having listened to Jennifer call him sexy last week, Phillips does a tribute to her with Fat Bottomed Girls.  I noticed you could barely hear him sing during the verse where he might have to stay on key because the chorus was louder than him and carried the melody he could not manage to carry.  He then goes into Manbearpig mode and growls the chorus.  Randy is right.  This was not a GREAT performance...except by the backup singers.    I think Randy was being generous calling it good.  The judges do not stand up.

Holly sings *Save Me* and I'm thinking, well at least the judges won't say she lacks emotion as she was nearly bent over with it throughout the song.  I thought it was good, not great, and not up to Skylar's or Elise' performance, but as good if not better than Jessica's performance.   The judges throw water on her and tell her she needs to *let go*; *not let go*; *sing high*; *sing low*; *sing Sweet Chariot*; *just go home already*.  The judges keep their seats.

After the first round, Jennifer says Skylar is the winner and Steven seems to agree.  I agree.  I just don't get why they gave Joshua the standing O and not Skyler and I'm starting to fume. 

 Round 2:  

Jessica has just now inflamed me with rage because she is singing a song that always makes me cry and I don't want to cry when she sings...but I do.  I really cannot blame her for pulling out the *my father is in the service and is being deployed* sympathy card.  I can believe she is a daddy's girl after looking at that mean hatchet faced tiger mother of hers.  Daddy is probably the only one who ever lets her eat.   It was a great performance but the judges...even though Jennifer says she has never heard it sung so well....remain seated.

Now the show is running off time so they don't bother to tell us what song Skylar is singing which is Tattoo on This Town by Jason Aldean.  Steven didn't like it so much but Skylar explains it was for her homey's and I thought it was a great performance and would have been a standout but for the comparison to her first performance.  The judges don't get up.

Here comes Joshua again.  There is no intro to his song but it is not needed as the judges are already standing up.   He sings Ready For Love.  Lots of vocal runs. Jennifer says he focuses the whole room on his performance.  Not me...I'm just counting the seconds until the standing O.  Five, four, three, two, one....BINGO!  

Elise has finally accepted she just ought to do her rocker songs that she does with her own band and I gather Wallace, who accompanies her on Jimi Hendrix's Bold As Love, is in her band.  I agree with Steven.  She needed to do a song more people knew, particularly when they don't even bother to introduce the song or the original artist,  but I think she did a good job and I think Randy is just pissed that Elise had more runs in this song than Joshua did in his.  This was a mixed bag for the judges and they stay in their seats. 

Phillips sings a song by the Dave Matthews Band.  I do not know what the name of it is and they don't have time to tell us.  I am a bit amused that one of the first lyrics is *I am in extreme pain* because that is exactly what he looks like when he is singing every song he has ever sung and as much as Jessica Sanchez gets on my last nerve I have to say she nailed him tonight in her impersonations and saying he turns ugly faces and looks like he is in pain when he sings.  I think she was thinking what I have been thinking all along that there is a major intestinal problem there that goes beyond the kidney stone.  Do you think she has been reading this blog?   Ryan's girlfriend thinks he is yummy.   Steven thinks he has earned the right to take risks and *go alone*, Jennifer is scared because the song is not well-known and he sounded like an asshole singing it, and Randy uses the word artist 405 times in his critique.  Despite his artistry, bravery, blah blah arty farty hes a smarty performance, the judges don't stand up.

Miley Cyrus is a wannabe Lindsay Lohan with a very limited vocal range and only autotune has made it possible for her to have a recording career.  But, The Climb, is an inspirational song.  And I told you all, Hollie is a tough, smart, girl.  With her Liverpool backround (hard knock town) combined with her Texas backround (don't mess with us), she is probably as *thick-boned* as Skylar, if not more so.   So, I cried when she sang tonight.  The judges hated having to stand up for this but they would have been booed to oblivion if they didn't.  Hollie has a lot of fans. 

Its getting harder to predict the third of the bottom three.  I'm going out on a limb and saying Elise, Jessica, and Skylar.  I'm afraid Skylar may be the *shock* elimination tomorrow night but I would hope its Jessica.  And of course, Elise is never safe. 

I would so love to see Phillips, Joshua, or Jessica  go home.  I admit my new aversion to Joshua is based on the judge's absolute pandering to his every move. 


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Jackson Four

This week, Randy Jackson confirmed the views of those of us who have claimed the judges are highly partisan this season,  when he told the ladies of The Talk that he thinks the top 4 are Phillips, Jessica, Skyler, and Josh. He also suggested he would like the judges to have more than one save.   So nice for Holly and Elise.  I just hope he keeps getting more and more surprises from the voting public. 

In other news, Colton thinks singing the Lady Gaga song (which I gather has some racy lyrics...I really cannot remember the lyrics) alienated his fans.  I think Colton (and a lot of other people) overestimated his fan base to begin with.