The producers really really want a girl to win...or they want us to think they want a girl to win. And if a girl cannot win, then they want a boy who acts like a girl to win...or so it appeared from the guys selected in the top 20. But...its Kings X time. Tonight they want no theatrics, drama, or posing about. In contrast to last night's love fest for all things emotionally over the top, tonight they want to hear *vocals* because its now a singing contest. So, if the guys watched the show last night and decided to amp up the theatrics to impress the judges with their emotional range...too bad for them. Kings X...the rules have changed.
I confess to reading a spoiler so I knew basically who was in and who was out before watching tonight. Even so, there were some confusing critiques and one result that I want to scream about.
First up is my so far least favorite boy...Paul Jolley (hereinafter called *Paula Jo*). We are reminded once again that his grandfather is dead and how Paula Jo wants to bless the world with his talent as a way of *giving back*. I would like to return his gift postage NOT prepaid, but no luck for me. He doesn't even try to disguise his pandering to Keith by singing one of his songs (did he ever sing country before?) and puts in a lot of bells and whistles and glory notes. At least he doesn't cry like he did last time. He does try to disguise the fact that he is gay but the theatrics observed by Nicki in her critique give that secret away. Randy likes his potential because he has a good range and sees him as a country star. I think this guy would rather eat dog dirt than be a country star but he is definitely a panderer so he laps that up.
Second to perform is Johnny Keyser, a repeat from last year. I have been critical of Johnny because he is just too handsome to live and I think he knows it. But his testosterone is refreshing and he doesn't oversing his song. He gets some good remarks and I am sort of not hating him but then...I know what happens at the end so I don't need to waste my time finding fault with him.
Finally, the one we have been waiting for. JDA is what JDA is and don't you forget it (which is also refreshing because he is not trying to fool anyone). He sings a song I don't know about rumors and does his *artistic* take on it by rolling on the floor and then taking his shirt off. I really don't know if he can sing or not because I'm fascinated by his act. Keith thought it was a bit contrived, Nicki admired his integrity, Randy didn't like his vocals, Mariah liked his vocals...and after 5 minutes of back and forth *he's wonderful* *he didn't sing well* *he's an artist*, Ryan ends the judge's rather self-indulgent dissection of JDA and the meaning of life. So we move on.
To Kevin Harris. He has 2 beautiful children but he has fodder written all over him. I really couldn't remember the results when I was watching him but I was not that impressed with his vocals and he didn't do anything but sing so I'm thinking...poor guy...you are toast. Nicki and Keith loved his vocals but Randy thought he was karoake and Mariah is on the fence playing mediator but when she says *you've always been a favorite of mine* you can sense the gig is up for Kevin.
Chris Watson, another glamour guy, with an awesome headband and lots of glitter comes on and sings Dock of the Bay with a lot of melisma and stage action. Nicki wants to marry his vibrato and it seems like the judges are pretty easy on him. Since I know he is going home at the end of the night, I wonder at this soft treatment.
Next up is Devin with the pointy hair. I like Devin except for his hair (what is it with bad hair this season?). He sings a nice enough song pretty well but it wasn't a moment for me...even with the Spanish mixed in. The judges go on and on about his good vocals so we are seeing that *vocals* is the magic word tonight. It would be a good drinking game word for the night but I'm not a big drinker any more so I ended the night completely sober. I hope some of you took advantage of it though!
Sadly, I was sober when the Chinese/Mexican Justin Bieber clone came on and sang a song about taking it to the moon. He's letting it be known that he is a ladies man and hoping the tweens are taking note. I found nothing exciting or memorable about him but the judges (egged on by the producers) see dollar signs on his back (because the world really needs another Justin Bieber especially if he is Chinese and Mexican) and give him rave reviews despite his weak voice and shaky falsetto which could not be heard over the backround singers. He is Nicki's new favorite and she wants to marry him. Ok..Nicki is the new Demi Moore but let him turn 21 at least. His name is Elijah something. I hope he is gone before I have to learn his last name.
Ahh...here comes the only boy I was looking forward to watching tonight..Charlie Askew. Charlie got wardrobe advice from JDA and apparently performing advice too because he is swinging the mike around, going down on one knee and really hamming it up. But I could not take my eyes off of him. I didn't even write any notes while he was singing. I love that song and I loved how he sang the light the fuse part of it and I think he is adorable. HOWEVER, he talked back a little too much to the judges and got a little arrogant so...watch it Charlie. Everyone loved it except Randy who is looking for vocals tonight. I liked Charlie's vocals.
Jimmy Smith is from Tennessee and sings a Keith Urban song and that is about all there is to say about that (except he has bad hair too!).
Curtis Finch is not my favorite yet but he is a strong contender for favorite of mine (until he grows old on me as all the BGBV's do each year). I like that he wore a suit and tie and was all buttoned up. I liked his retro song choice. I have nothing snarky or bad to say about him at all. I even like his hair.
When they announce the results, I am appalled that Elijah the Bieber is one of the 5 chosen. I was also surprised that Paula Jo was on the cusp and needed Jimmy's intervention to stay in the competition. Unfortunately, this means that I will have to take Jimmy off of my list of people I would marry. I would have scratched Paula Jo and put in Johnny Keyser instead but I think they are afraid he is going to grab all the old women's votes and be the next WGWG to win Idol. I would have chosen Chris or JDA over Beiber boy...at least they were somewhat interesting.
Next week we see whether vocals are so important when Zoanass sings like crap but shakes her boobs around. Somehow I think we are looking at a *rules change* moment again.