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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Colton Dixon's Bad Romance In September Has Him Rolling in the Deep Doodoo.

Oh what a night... tributes, drama, reverse psychology, lies, anger, exuberance, two songs each,  and a sick dog all combined in 2 hours of Idol tonight to make my head spin.

The show begins with a replay of the Jessica is SAVED drama.  We see lots of poignant shots of her crying and looking sad and forlorn.  Feel sorry for her audience and vote for her this week.  

Then Ryan pays a tribute to Dick Clark, who should be Ryan's Idol (and probably is).  Dick Clark seemed to never age.  We all got wrinkles, grey hair and pot bellies but until he had his stroke, he seemed to still be a young man.  Young people will not remember American Bandstand but it was must see TV in the after school hours for teenagers of my generation.  We copied the hairstyles, the dances, the clothes, and learned what 45 records to buy to play on our mono record players. Not that in my house we could afford to buy very many of them.  I'm thinking that back then a 45 with an A and B side (that means 2 songs) cost $1.00.  About the cost of a download now.  Someone correct me if I'm wrong.  He just always stayed young at heart.  I bet he had Gaga and Adele, and Usher and even Nicky Menage on his Ipod when he died. 

As I predicted, Hollie goes first.  Like KK, I expected Rolling In the Deep to Be a disaster but she was clever and started with the big chorus which I think got her on key and into the groove.  She did great.  The judges said she did great.  But, frankly, I thought she has been doing nearly as great the whole season.  I'm convinced the judges were using reverse psychology.  Knowing that trashing her last week led to a backlash of votes for her, they are complimenting her this week so that people won't vote for her instead of Jessica.  Hah!  Won't work.  Unlike KK, I am not a fan of Son of A Preacher Man but she belted it like no tomorrow and good for her.  Maybe not being in the bottom three gave her some confidence that America likes her...they really do!   I loved the Liverpool Football Club coming on to give her a boost.  I'm not sure how she will fare this week but I don't think she will be going home.

Colton gets the death spot.  Probably because they know the girl vote is going to keep him around no matter what.  Colton appears to know this too as his first song, Bad Romance, is just stupid.  He is wearing some sort of jacket with tails on it and dancing around the stage trying to act like he is a rocker.  He looks like an organ grinder's monkey.  His key is too low to start and he never really gets to the highs.


Then he sings September by Earth Wind and Fire and really is rolling in a deep pile of excrement by the end of it.  The verses are once again too low and they are flat.  He is sleeping through the song and I'm thinking that with that attitude he is lucky to keep the girl until noon on September 1.  The judges actually acknowledge he is not perfect.  KK has addressed the appearance of his sister Schuyler.  Perhaps he has been reading the very few comments about him being an ass for taking her chance away from her.  I predict there will be huge sibling warfare in the coming years and probably a legal proceeding in which they battle for their parent's worldly goods upon their demise.  Schulyer will get screwed out of the china and crystal, you just know it.

I would rank Elise's performance of No One higher than KK but I haven't heard my other favorite niece sing it.  The judges liked it well enough.  Ryan asks her why she is emotional and she says her dog is dying.  Now normally, I would find this pandering but I'm thinking go for the dog lover's vote here girl!  You are way underrated and anyone else would use it so you go for it!  I think she did oversing Lets Get It On..she could have left out some of the runs and trills and just done it straight.  She didn't give any room for our ears to *rest*.  However, I do not agree she shows no emotions when she sings.  I think the judges were just looking for something to trash her for so she won't get more votes than Jessica and pulled out the *emotion* card since they couldn't use it on Hollie  week what with the reverse psychology game they were playing. 

Phillips is doing something different this week since last week they said he was sort of in a rut.  He does Usher's You Got It Bad (I am not familiar with this song) and says he is going to be intimate.  From the judges comments, I gather this was an *arty* version of the song.  I say arty farty as he always looks like he is clinching his sphincter muscles to hold something in.  He starts off singing but halfway through manbearpig comes back and he just growls the rest of the song.  I didn't even notice he didn't use his guitar on Midnight Hour.  The judges loved it.  For me it was just more manbearpig.  JLo liked his dance move...and wanted to know what to call it.  I call it *my kidney stone hurts and I need to defecate*.  He would have brought down the house on American Bandstand with that move!  I'm still unimpressed. His weird faces remind me of the crazy sociopath in slasher movies. He gets a standing O for the first song, I believe.

Ah, and now comes the precious, beloved, adorable, Jessica Sanchez.  Talk about an *attitude*.  When the 7 were introduced at the first part of the show she stood there all morose and pouty.  I guess she will show US!  
After a prolonged mentoring session with Jimmy (coddling her like Lauren) she sings Fallen by Alicia Keys.  Like Hollie, she starts with the big chorus then she adds some growls like Elise.  The judges fawn all over her again but there is no standing O.  Then, she comes out and sings *Try A Little Tenderness* as if she is going to rip the entire voting American public a new lower orifice for rejecting her.  I'm sorry...I didn't realize this song was an angry song.  The judges talk about her emotions too.  I think she was emoting just fine tonight...she is PISSED OFF at being eliminated.  She then lies and says she thought the judges *didn't like her*.  Oh please.  I vowed not to be so mean about her this week but the big lie just is too much for me to ignore.   

And then comes our little dark horse Skylar.  This girl can PERFORM.  She just takes over the stage and it doesn't matter what theme they give her she kills it.  She will be my new favorite when Elise goes home.  I loved her take on *Born This Way* and I was glad Gaga did a country version of it so that Skylar wouldn't get trashed for making it country.  I also loved Heard It Through The Grapevine.  This girl is going to be big.  

Joshua, oh Joshua.  Of course he is going to sing Fantasia's I Believe.  He gets a standing O.  Do they just time his performances for the judges'  Deep Vein Thrombosis break or do the judges really want to stand for him each time he appears.  It was fine.  Not memorable.  Not a moment.  Not a standing O moment.  Then he does A Change Is Gonna Come and he deserves all the praise he gets for it but perhaps not the standing O.  The last time I recall hearing this song sung on Idol was when Sayesah Mercado sang it and explained she identified with it because  her journey on Idol was like the Civil Rights Struggle of the 1960's when marchers were being beaten with billy clubs and had fire hoses knocking them down and churches were being bombed and voting registrars murdered and men hung from trees. (You can see why I still don't like Sayesha).  But Joshua really was probably born on a river and if not in a tent in a bayou shack.  So...I was moved by his rendition.  I get angry at the judges for pimping him so much...but truth be told...I like him, I really do.

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Predictions on bottom 3:  Hollie, Elise, Joshua.  I think we will lose Elise this week. 





Does Everybody Have to Cry?!?

The judges spent the entire night telling everyone to "connect to America" by "showing emotion" and "letting go".  Tonight, more than ever, I wish Simon was still there to roll his eyes and just say, "look, it wasn't good"

Best to Worst, by performance:

Dave Matthews Ditto doing Usher! - Well hell, kid.  Usher?  You Got It Bad?  Who would've ever thought that one of Phil's performances would be the 1st of the year that I really want to download?!?  Remember when Kris Allen pulled out Kanye's Heartless?  Then he won the whole damn show?  Phil Phillips might've just won himself the whole damn show.  So sick!!

Hollie's Adele - When she said "Adele", all of America held their breath.  When she said "Rolling in the Deep", all of America rolled their eyes.  But Oh. My. God. Hollie KILLED it!  There are so FEW covers of Adele that I can even tolerate, and fewer that I actually like.  I'm so excited for Hollie's big night!

Skylar's Born This Way - I loved the country version, too, JLo!  Who knew!  I feel like I can actually watch Skylar growing and changing each week, and it's awesome that the judges consistently like her!

Jacob 2.0's Change Gonna Come - I won't lie.  When Ryan Seacrest told us Jacob would be back with "an emotional civil rights anthem" I instantly knew what he'd sing and I audibly sighed.  Just because he's African American, and sings gospel music, doesn't mean he can sing this song.  But damn it, I loved it.  I loved the groans, I loved the overdone runs.  How did HE not get teary at the end of THIS song?  Oh, he was focused on JLo's abs?  I'm pretty sure that's not the "emotional connection" the judges (or your grandma) were going for. 

Hollie's Dusty Springfield - It was a little rocky in parts and started out a little rough (I'm stingy with compliments here because it's one of my favorite songs), but she's on the verge of a breakthrough here.  You can't compare her to Jessica Sanchez anymore!  And, considering Jessica was in the bottom 3 last week and Hollie wasn't, that's a good thing!

Skylar's Heard It Through The Grapevine - Nobody can ever say this girl doesn't know what genre she belongs in.  She just made the Smokey Robinson & The Miracles country.  And it was awesome.  

Let's Get It On, Elise - So sexy.  And her scream in the middle ... did I hear a little Steven Tyler in there?  Wha, judges?  "show emotion in the middle of Marvin Gaye"  Like that scene in When Harry Meets Sally?  What do they want?  I wish she wouldn't have critiqued herself at the end, though.  That negates any votes the "my dog is dying" quip won her. 

Elise's No One - The cheesy dress, weird squat into the wind machine, and new tan made me think I was watching Mariah Carey.  No One has a special place in my heart because I watched my little sister soothe my favorite nephew as a newborn by singing it to him.  She did it better than Elise tonight, unfortunately.  Not my favorite performance, but I still love Elise.

Jessica Sanchez' Falling - Is she singing it horribly?  Of course not!  But it was typical.  She wasn't sitting on the piano, but it was still right there.  She does look so pretty though - THIS, AI stylists, is how you do up a 16 year old.  (The whole BS about "I thought you didn't like me and didn't want me to sing" should've put her at the bottom of this list.  And I think THAT is exactly why America doesn't like her - she's not believable!)

Jessica Sanchez' Tenderness - Ridiculous.  If the judges really wanted to help her, they'd tell her the truth: it was her worst performance.  Instead they pulled out all of this "connect with America" crap out.  All the emotion in the world wouldn't have made this good. 

Baby of the Week's Gaga - Sister was so diplomatic and sweet: complimenting him and supporting him.  Even though you could tell, deep inside, she's dying that he's this far and he did it by literally stealing her spot.  All Jimmy has to say about his butchering of Gaga is "he's got a female fan base".     

Jacob 2.0's Fantasia - Zzzzz.  I'd like to blog about it, but it put me to sleep.  (I do love his style.  Every single week he's rockin' a fantastic outfit!)  I'm over the tears at the end of every. single. song.  But the judges aren't, clearly, because they stood up.  Again.  Joshua could've stood there and sung Jingle Bells and they still would've bent over backwards digging him out of last week's bottom 3.

Dave Matthews Ditto's Midnight Hour - I think he was singing, but I was so uncomfortable with the weird shrugs, grimmaces, and side-eye, that I literally had to turn away.  "Brilliantly awkward" is so, so true, Steven.  Twitchy!  Please, Phil, put the guitar back on.  I promise I won't make fun of it anymore now that I know what the alternative is.

Baby of the Week's September - Worst performance of the night.  If anybody else sang this (read: a guy who isn't milking the tween girl and Christian votes) they'd be out the door.  Absolutely giddy watching the judges criticize him.  For once.

Bottom 3:  Elise, Hollie, Joshua

Going home:  I'm afraid it'll be Elise.  
P.S.  Randy - the talent on this show is NOT better than the talent on "any show on TV right now"  Not even close.