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Thursday, April 10, 2014

Helloooo? You are Not David Cook.

Tonight is a combined blog because once again I was felled by a migraine last night and couldn't manage to think clearly enough to write a decent recap of the show.  Now that we know the results, this blog will be rather anti-climactic but I had a few thoughts I wanted to share..assuming there is anyone out there still reading! 

First, I don't know how much Harry had to drink last night but he needs to stop his antics post-haste.  A little bit of joking is fine but he is getting tedious.  I don't know what the bit with the girl on his shoulders was except unseemly.  When it distracts from the judging (and it did for nearly every. single. contestant.) we are going into Nicki Minage land.  Cut the sauce, cut the caffiene, cut whatever you are on Harry and get back to the pentatonic scale please! 

Ah...David Cook...my all time favorite winner (I didn't watch the first 5 seasons so sorry Kelly and Carrie).  For the first time since the infamous *rush week*, the contestants actually had a mentor giving them solid advice.  Too bad he only had them for a day.  I think the producers know they are in trouble with this crop which just hasn't bloomed and doesn't seem likely to ever bloom with Randy Jackson's fertilizer every week.  They are ALL underperforming. 

There is a lot of criticism on line about the Sam save.  I'm not going to pile on with that except to say I don't like the save at all.  Now the judges are invested in making saving Sam seem sound instead of silly.  More on Sam soon.

Caveat on my critique:  I stopped listening to the pop radio in the fall of 1982.  I was no longer a student and I didn't have time for it.   I knew most of these songs but not really well and some of them because they have been performed on Idol so often.   

Jena performed first.  She is strongest at the piano but her *unique* arrangement of I Love Rock And Roll was not that unique.  She only really was good when she got going with the choruses.  I didn't understand a word of the verse lyrics she was growling.

They gave Dexter the *death spot*.  David Cook noted he cannot enunciate.  Dexter was excited about his guitar *solo* (which wasn't a solo).  He was advised to walk while playing his guitar *solo*.  He walked but stopped playing to glad hand the swaybots.  I hate the swaybots. I hate the glad handing.  I didn't know the song and I don't care.  Dexter put on his *I'm not with stupid...I am stupid* backwards feedlot cap again.   I hated so much about the logistics and the wardrobe I didn't really focus on his singing.  

I'm not even going to talk about the duets.  None of them were worth watching.   

Malaya, who was eliminated tonight (and rightly so) sang Chaka Khan's Through the Fire.  The judges were kind to her (probably Harry passed out for a few moments).  It was not good.  It was not even a hot mess like coffee spilled on your desk.  It was a steaming molten mass of manure dumped on our top step set on fire by the neighborhood prankster.  No one is going through that fire.  She was all over the place...screaming missed notes...not pleasant to listen to or watch despite her hoop earrings.  I like the girl but she deserved to go home.

David Cook picked up on Jessica's problem of singing perfectly but not looking like she is having fun doing it.  The girl tried, she really did.  She sang fine.  She moved her legs, she tried to smile at the audience and the camera.  At first I thought the judges were a little hard on her but then I remembered Hayley Reinhardt's Call Me and they were not.  I was a little worried about her being in the bottom three this week (and she may have been since we only know the bottom 2).  She is still my favorite of this wilting crop.  

Oh Sam the Saved....he can sing...he even messed with the arrangement but he did not improve on his connection even with the herd of swaybots surrounding him.  Hey producers, I have a great idea.  Take a shy kid who is self-conscious performing and put him in the middle of a pack of screaming tween girls singing *Time After Time*.   I'm surprised he didn't run screaming off the stage.  The judges said he connected better.  The judges were trying to save face for screwing up the save.

Alex...I don't hate you anymore but I am about done with your acoustic re-arrangements.  The only coherent comment Harry made last night was to suggest that maybe you needed to move beyond the coffee house vibe.  JLo was right...you messed with Every Breath You Take too much.  But given what everyone else did...it was probably one of the top performances of the night.

CJ did Free Fallin and he is free falling from this competition.  I'm not going to pile on.  I like the guy.  I don't even remember if he was in pitch or not.  He deserved to be in the bottom 2.  

How many times has that hack rocker Caleb had the pimp spot this season?  I think this makes at least 3.  I'm done with him.  I was done even before he made a crack about *making old ladies cry*.  This old lady is only crying because you got away with that posing insincere performance.  It wasn't that good.  It didn't warrant the smartphone from Keith.  Admitting you were *putting on your baby face* to fool people into thinking you have an ounce of concern about anything but Caleb was the cherry on top of the icing on the cake for me.  NOTHING you will do will redeem you in my eyes and if you are the last person standing I will be crying tears of anger.  (Well...not really...but it sounds good).

I hope next week is better.  I hope my headaches go away.  I hope for a lot of things I'm too old to keep hoping for.