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Thursday, March 5, 2015

This One's Not For the Girls

What a letdown!  I tuned in early hoping Aretha might sing another song but instead we got a montage of the girl contestants preening.  Well, most of them preened.  I don't think I'm becoming a cranky old lady who is envious of their youth, talent and in some cases beauty but this group, with one or two exceptions, just bores me to tears.  In prior years I haven't voted for a guy until all the girls were gone so I don't think it is some inherent sexism on my part.  This group is just almost entirely mediocre.  

The only performance that moved me was the first one by Tyanna.  I really love this girl.  Old time Idol fans might remember the time Megan Joy (who you say?) performed that song and was excoriated by Simon for her performance.  The next night as Megan went to the stools she flapped her arms and said "tweet tweet".  I cannot remember if she was eliminated that night or the next week but she didn't remain long thereafter.  Tyanna sang it like it was meant to be sung.  It is not a song that moves you to do anything but move and it is hardly a favorite of mine but I loved her performance.  And the judges did too.  

Next up we learn Lauren Lott, Actress made it in.  I'm pretty sure she thinks she got the 2nd highest number of votes.  Last week she was all "I'm an actress and I'm a diva and I'm going to win".  This week, after some image counseling no doubt, we learn that she is a sweet little church girl  and there is no mention of her vast ambitions and extremely high opinion of herself.  The judges loved her performance.  I don't know what she sang.  I hated it whatever it was or was I just ticked off she got through?  There are no judges sitting in my fireplace room to answer that question and that is just fine with me as I quit examining my navel 40 years ago.  Loren Lott, Actress tried every so hard to be humble in her post performance comments and she almost made us believe she really is until she said she wants to come back because she wants to inspire people (or keep inspiring them).  The only thing this girl will inspire me to do is turn down the sound if she is still performing next week or use it as an opportunity to feed my cats and go to the john.  

Maddie Walker must have made it through on the country fans votes because I find her extremely boring and get her confused with Alexis Gomez.  She sang "I'll Be There" and on one note made me cringe.  The judges were not very hard on her.  Actually they loved it.  I'm deaf as well as sexist now apparently. 

I was worried about Joey Cook because she is so different.  She sang "You Better Shop Around" with a sort of a slow jazzy spin to it but the melody was intact.  I love her blue hair.  I want blue hair but not the kind that old ladies used to have.  I will never have blue hair, sadly.  I didn't hate her performance.  I didn't love her performance.  I don't hate her, I don't love her.  But she is better than most of the girls in this pack. 

Thank goodness Serena Joi Crowe made it through.  She sang "You Really Got A Hold On Me" very slowly and mostly softly with just a guitar accompanying her.  This was a big change up from her high energy loud performance last week so we know she is not the proverbial one trick pony.  Harry said she was flat the whole song.  I don't have a good ear for that unless my ears start hurting and they did not but I did sense that this was not as good as it could be.

I like Alanna Duer.  She sang "Hello".  This song made Idol history when David Cook sang it and it was actually his break through week (or so it seemed at the time).  I thought she was a little too dramatic with it and Harry said she was out of tune.  Ok, 2 out of tune singers in a row.

Ah, the infamous JAX wearing the infamous blue and black or white and gold dress.  I actually was unaware of this internet controversy about a dress for sale online which to some viewers looks white and gold but is actually blue and black so I googled to investigate it.  If you dont' know about it, don't bother.  Its boring and the dress is ugly.  I don't know if the dress is cheap but it looks like its cheap in the online ads and JAX didn't help it look any more expensive when she lopped about 8 inches off of it.  I can only say her performance was an utter disaster from my perspective.  Her tone wasn't that good but what was worse was the arrangement.  This is Motown week JAX.  You don't take a classic Motown song and turn it into some sort of artsy fartsy Lana Del Ray type cabaret/jazz/blues song.  I don't think the verse portion had a single note in common with the original song.  I didn't know what the heck she was singing at first because it was so oddly put together in timing, inflection,  and tune.  Then she sang the chorus straight which just sounded odd as heck since it didn't go with her artsy fartsy Lana Del Ray imitation.  Surprisingly, JLo and Harry agreed with me.  Can you tell I'm not a JAX fan?  I don't think this was an Adam Lambert Ring of Fire moment which I think she wanted it to be.  And to be honest it took me seeing that Ring of Fire performance a few times to like it.  

And then, Alexis Gomez sang "Sugar Pie Honey Bunch".  I just thought it was awful.  I didn't catch she was out of tune but JLo did.  I just thought there was something wrong with the rhythm of it.  I was thinking:  is it too slow? What is wrong with this?  Why don't I like what she is doing?  Well, I guess it was because she was out of tune (among other things).  I don't think she is going to survive this week but who knows?  

Now I am going to go vote for Tyanna, Serena Joi and Joey.  But overall, I was really disappointed in the girls tonight.