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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Is All About Me, Me, Me, Me

Forget about you, you, you, you and you too  number 589481.

The show opens with poor Philip Phillips...who I guess had a hit song although I have not heard it but then I don't listen to the radio much.  He still is making funny faces.  Then the producers trot out the success story that is American Idol (i.e. the 5 or so people on the show who have actually made a name for themselves) in order to contrast it with the Voice and the X Factor and those other shows that are cutting into their demographic and making people bored senseless with the whole concept. It is so obvious that its all about Nygel Lythgoe v. Simon Cowell.  Then the judges are introduced as if they are the 2nd coming of the Beatles or something (even Randy)...and its pretty clear that Idol is super pleased with itself for grabbing this group of mega-stars (??) as compared with poor crazy Britney Spears and over the hill Simon.  A good 5-10 minutes pass while  Idol praises itself and its wisdom in choosing these new judges.  And as we go to break we get a glimpse of the point of this whole season:  Mariah Carey v. Nikki Menage. 

I was prepared to be on Mariah's side as Nikki Menage strikes me as a Lady Gaga wannabe and although I've only seen her perform once, I'm pretty skeptical of her talent for anything but self-promotion and strange outfits and hair.  And, I have to say that Nikki was grabbing the spotlight every moment she could tonight.  You could see Mariah seething *its supposed to be about ME*.  But then Mariah would get in a snide little comment or give her a mean girl look and I'm thinking...they deserve each other and I don't care who wins this catfight. 

As an afterthought, the producers brought out some extras  so that the judges could show off some more.  When Mariah, Randy, and Nikki, finally shut up, we even heard the extras  sing a few bars before we got back to the REAL show. 

None of the extras (excuse me...contestants) we saw tonight, is, in my opinion, going to be our next American Idol.  They threw out the only white guy with a guitar even though he had a compelling back story of being a tap dancer who lost a leg to cancer.  I thought his Jason Mraz number was pretty mediocre but when he started singing with his guitar I  thought he was as good as Phillip Phillips or that paint salesman named Lee whose last name I cannot now recall and who is presumably back at Sherwin Williams mixing paint by computer...or should be.

There were a couple of women who I thought were fine but they all seemed too nice to actually make it past Hollywood week.  The blonde girl who lost a lot of weight is a belter and I will see how she wears on me if we ever hear her again.  The hearing impaired girl was, I think payback for the guy with one leg as she was OK but didn't move me.  The girl who went to Mariah camp may do pretty well in the competition because she certainly has the drive but why did she show up in her cut offs?  Sarah from the farm was cute but not that great either. The poor girl from Israel won't make it far because she is from a politically incorrect country. The final extra, the girl with the big family of foster kis, seems like a real sweetheart but.... 

Did anyone else think that all the extras were trying to imitate Mariah's style with the melisma and running up and down the scales?  Or is it just me being sick of that style and hearing it everywhere even if its not there? 

As for the men, the only one who made it through that I can remember now is Frankie Ford from Flatbush who seems like a fine young man. 

The poor joke contestants once again did not seem to be in on the joke except for the guy in the plastic suit that made fart sounds when he walked and thrust at Nikki.  I did  laugh when in a following segment showing all the bad contestants one poor guy actually did fart in the middle of his song giving new meaning to one of my favorite expressions: *He's farting the song*.  The poor girl who only sang for her parents was very surprised to be rejected which suggests that she really was telling the truth about no one else hearing her sing before or she surely would not have subjected the whole world to her voice.

But, really, as the preview for tomorrow's show demonstrated... this season is all about the judges.  It is going to be one long season as the catfight is already growing irksome.   I liked Keith Urban until he said *I don't know what kind of artist you are going to be* and I thought...lose that line fast buddy...it makes you sound as lame as Randy.   



Could not have done a better preview of this season than the one written by KK and agree completely with her...except I don't think Nikki Menage has talent! 

Ready. Set. Go? Maybe?

Recap for those who live under rocks:

JLo -Out
Steven Tyler -Out

Mariah Carey -In
Nicki Minaj -In
Keith Urban - In

Randy - Desperately grasping to the only career move he has left

Seacrest - In.  Yeah, I'm surprised, too.

Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj hate each other and are feuding.  Allegedly, Mariah was told by AI producers that she'd be the only female judge, and in came Nicki.

Let me do a quick tirade now, and I promise I'll try not to do it again:

As I get older (and as my daughter gets older) I fancy myself more and more of a feminist.  I've blogged here before about how AI has been shameless about promoting male competitors (women pay homage to recently deceased Whitney Houston while boys are handed a lob-ball covering Stevie Wonder), judges openly fawn over males and don't hold back on critiques of females, and a the last female to win this show was Jordan Sparks in 2007.  Two thousand and SEVEN, people.  

Auntee and I both called the White Guy With Guitar as the ultimate winner on Day 1, just like the season before and the season before.   And yes, I do blame the tween girls and their pink cell phones voting for the boy they want to take to prom.  But I also blame the show, generally, for purposely throwing a semi-talented heartthrob in the spotlight every single season, just TO garner those tween votes.  

I digress ...

Know what this show needs?  A good cat fight.  Let's throw in two strong, talented, beautiful African American women and hope they go after each other.

Let's be as stereotypical as possible - fat shaming? check. digs on career? check. liberal use of the word "diva"? check.

All we're missing is the weave pulling and the boyfriend stealing.

Can there be just ONE season where Girls Rule?  Where 2 female judges conspire to BUILD UP the female contestants, instead of to tear each other down?  Where they agree to work together to help a young girl start her career, because, you know, that's what they ultimately signed on for?

As for the contestants:  Can we, maybe, have a girl with a guitar?  Maybe even an African American girl with a guitar?  

I'm setting myself up for heartbreak, aren't I?  We'll see, I guess, starting tonight.