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Thursday, February 7, 2013

I Told You So

And later on in this blog, I'll give the Nicki Minaj fans the opportunity to say the same to me...to an extent.
Tonight we finally get to see more than 3 seconds from the extras as the men *fight for their lives* on solo day (with a band).  Ryan tells us they are the *best of the best* and I'm still thinking we could trade about 15 of them for the guy with the titanium leg (yes...I'm *obsessed* with him) but I'm keeping my mind open as the show begins with my prediction for winning it all:  Paul Jolley.
But, I did not predict he would have a complete meltdown wailing *Everything is Falling Apart* just before he went on stage nor that he would start pleading and begging before he even sang. He has worked SOOO hard...(unlike the other contestants who all have trust funds?).   Nor did I think he would suck so bad when he finally did sing a song I do not know (and I had turned off closed captioning so I couldn't even read the words).  Something about being blown away I think.  I wasn't and Nicki wasn't but evidently the other three judges (or Nigel) wanted the guy to go through so he made it.  I did appreciate Nicki's comments to him...basically suck it up you big cry baby.  If he makes it through to the live performances, I promise you I will be merciless about him.  He just makes my skin crawl. 
Lazaro Arbus is up next singing Edge of Glory and he does very well without the people in his group treating him like he is an idiot.  Of course he hasn't worked nearly as hard as Paul Jolley...as communicating with a speech impediment your whole life is just child's play. 
Curtis Finch is the ubiquitous BGBV (I may have used a different acronym last year but this year it means Black Guy Big Voice (and most of them have big asses too).  He sings Jar of Hearts, which we later learn is a big favorite of the guys today.  I was sort of ho humming about him but at one point I got chills so either he was an above average BGBV or I caught a draft.   I'm not sorry he made it through.
Devin Velez is an odd looking guy with nerves of steel and a good voice.  He could attract some votes if he would get rid of his Poindexter hair.  You ask:  what is Poindexter hair? When I was a child we had a board game called *Barbie's Dream Date* and of course the object was to get to go to the prom with Ken.  There were 3 other potential dream dates and Poindexter was clearly the loser of the three and no one wanted to get his card and have to go to the prom with him.  So...get rid of the Poindexter hair which may look good on some but just makes your head look funny and you might have a chance Devin. 
The Turbinator does a little twist and sings *Georgia* while accompanying himself on a guitar.  I was unable to really assess how well he did because I was just trying to deal with a Sikh singing a song about Georgia with a Southern accent. For some reason, the judges love this guy.  I don't hate him but I don't get the love for him either.  You just know if he makes it to the live shows he is going to pull a Hejun Han joke performance out of his turban and piss everyone off.
Evidently there was no Whitney on the song list because Cortez Shaw, another BGBV, (who was hammered justifiably by Nicki in the acapella round for his rendition of *I Will Always Love Youuuuu*) sings something else.  I didn't think he was that great but he makes it through too.
Matteus comes on stage and reminds the judges again that he is very short and was bullied and so he is singing *Stronger* (because I guess *Ain't No Mountain High Enough* was not on the song list and singing Randy Newman's Short People would be a bit much even for the guy who is banking his Idol career on being short).  He says three times he has never sung with a live band before, which I'm calling a lie because I bet he did on the Glee Project and we know for sure they had a live band for the group performances just the day before.  He pretty much sucked.  Nicki tells him to quit the pity party and I'm getting to the point with her where I'm about ready for her fans to say *I Told You So* to me because she does at times hit the nail right smack on the head.   But then again...when she is wrong she is very very wrong as she was about our next extra....drum roll.....
Papa Peachez...I don't know what he sang and since he didn't like singing someone else's song I don't know why I should have to care what it was.  He's awful.  Nicki tells him the star quality has been sucked out of him.  No, Nicki, it was never there.  He is nothing more than a poseur.  You screwed up when you lobbied for him to come to Hollywood so just admit it.  I think Papa thought he was going through when he was told to step forward because he had this smirk on his face but maybe he just thought he was being too cool for school.
Jimmy Smith who we have never seen before sings a feel good song and is awfully WGWG worthy.  I don't really know why they featured him unless they are upset at Jolley's breakdown and need the audience to get to know his WGWG replacement.
They put through the retread Johnny Keyser at some point during the day but who knows why as we didn't see his performance.  I suspect they realize the audience is getting sick of him.

And then we get to witness a total breakdown by Nicholas Mathis, another BGBV who is there to make a better life for his kids (something no one else has ever said they are there to do).  He is bawling before he hits the stage so you know this is going to go south really quickly and it does.  I don't know what he sang except something about it being *too long* and the song definitely was too long for me.  He has a tantrum when he doesn't make it which is not a pretty thing to watch.
Nick Boddington is another retread but I am not sick of him.  As I recall I liked him last year.  He does well and they put him through.
Jada, the transvestite or transgendered or whatever the politically correct term is for his type makes it through.  He better sing better than Adam Lambert if he wants America's votes because irrespective of the tranwhatever thing or maybe because of the tranwhatever thing, he comes off like a bitchy diva.  Who knows...he may have the heart of a lamb.
Once again, I have to hand it to Nicki (although I think the other judges agree), Charlie Askew just steals your heart.  I love the song he sang, I loved his introduction and I loved the way he sang it.  He has the potential to get full of himself so I hope he does not.  I suspect his IQ is in the genius range.

Micah Johnson, our fourth BGBV tonight, was evidently in another world when he chose his song and I blame the voice coaches for letting him sing it.  I don't think a BGBV has sung country since Charlie Pride and unlike the incongruity of a turbaned Sikh singing *Georgia* with a Southern accent, an R&B singer singing Randy Travis, while equally incongruous,  doesn't impress the judges. I was sorry to see him go.  I hope he gets a good lawyer and wins his malpractice case.
And so it went...except 8 more of them will be cut to get to the top 20 guys.   The guys at Vote For the Worst have a theory that they are putting up a lot of minority and gay men extras because they want the audience to vote for a woman.  If that is their plan, it probably will not work.   

I must confess that my lack of enthusiasm for this season has kept me from following all things Idol as closely as I have in years past.  Consequently, I missed out on a scandal which justifies some of the cynicism I have expressed about the extra's sob stories this season.  A potential WGWG auditioned in Long Beach.  He was an Iraq vet who had been ambushed by an IED, suffered traumatic brain injury, took medicine to recover which was supposed to make him sterile but he miraculously fathered a daughter (who he brought to the audition with him).  I recall saying that I appreciated his service but milking his sob story was making me not like him so much.  So now I can say I told you so.  Turns out, the guy made the whole thing up.  He may or may not have been in the service and served in Iraq but he definitely wasn't hit by an IED and told he would be sterile.  I don't even know if the little girl who came to the audition is really his (she didn't look like she liked him too much so maybe he paid her real family $50 or so to have her as a prop) but he really is a liar (and after his lie was sussed out by some veterans' group claimed he has always had this lying problem as if that is also something we should feel sorry for him about).  I don't know what he did or didn't do in Hollywood but he is no longer in the competition.  His name is Matt Farmer (maybe).
Next week the girls and the drama meter will go up a bit.  Looks like my favorite Kezban has a bit of a breakdown.