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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

She's Got Electric Boobs!

OK, I know the correct words are She's Got Electric Boots but I'm not sure I would know that if I didn't have closed caption on my TV. (Credit to the writers of *27 Dresses* for the electric boobs line). Like all of Bernie Taupin's lyrics, its easy to mix the words up on *Bennie and the Jets* and hard to figure out what they mean unless you have the album liner or closed caption in front of you when you are listening to them. Or maybe its just me. Why do I have closed caption you ask? Well, I like to watch Gordon Ramsey whose accent I don't understand very well unless he is being bleeped so one day I asked Mr. Auntee to put the closed caption on to watch Hell's Kitchen and now I cannot figure out how to take it off. And it comes in handy sometimes, like tonight.

First, a confession, I actually voted tonight for the first time since the top 13 were announced. Not obsessively (the lines were too busy for that). I know who I want to go home tomorrow and I have a prediction about who will go home tomorrow, but I am not very confident in my prediction and I KNOW my wishes about who goes home will not come true.

Scotty gets the death slot. So called, because people generally forget the #1 performer. Perhaps the performance order is part of the nefarious plot to undermine Scotty with the voters, but it will fail. Particularly after that performance. Scotty went back to his proper and amazing low range and killed it. I didn't know this song but when the forum people said Scotty should sing it (the only *country* song Elton John ever did evidently), I went to Youtube to hear Elton sing it. Elton was just pretending he was singing a country song. Scotty not only made this song his own, he made it a country song. And how about not buckling to Jimmy Iovine and singing the verse to his grandma. I suppose shouting out to grandma could have come off as cheesy. For some reason, it just seemed very natural and Scotty to me. And, I got tears in my eyes I was so proud of him! This was before I poured my wine for the evening too.

Well, Naima, I think you have about a 75% chance or greater of not still standing on the stage next week. Gotta give her credit for taking chances. She is just going to do what she wants to do. I actually liked the Reggae. The judges did not. So, probably America will not. She is, in my opinion, the most purely beautiful in appearance of the women this year. But, I think she is probably going home and in the bottom three for sure.

The forum junkies predicted that Paul would sing *Your Song*. He sang *Rocket Man* instead. I don't think he carried off what he was trying to do. He listened to Randy last week, so he did his *tender voice* (a little too much.) I still think him coming out and saying *how are y'all tonight* is cheesier than those cheese balls you see on buffet tables that are covered with nuts that no one ever eats. Basically I was bored. I would not have wanted to attend the concert that preceded this encore performance. I would send him home for never living up to the expectations I had for him at the beginning and his generally cheesy, skinny, weasleness. I think he will stay at least another week.

PiA sings another ballad. Very well too, although can someone tell these contestants to ditch the choir in the robes? I loathe them. They add nothing to anyone's performance who can actually sing (although they carried Lee DeWyze to the title last year). I still am not in love with her but admire her technical abilities. She is going to sing River Deep Mountain High next week (which I gather from Youtube was recently performed on Glee) made famous by Tina Turner 20 plus years before PiA was born, but also sung by...wait for it...CELINE DION! So..I'm not sure if the theme next week is the 60s, Tina Turner, Celine Dion, or sons recently sung on Glee, but we will be getting some up tempo from PiA (with, I predict, about as much excitement as the rag doll mentioned in the first line of the song). But...I want PiA to stay in. One of these days, I'm going to be voting my little fingers off for her.

Stefemo does Tiny Dancer, another song which I appreciated having closed caption for. He was fine. He kept his eyes open. He put out his hand to Jlo. I'm basically indifferent to Stefemo. I'm thinking maybe there are others in America who agree with me and he might find himself in the bottom 3 again.

And NOW, singing the BEST SELLING SINGLE IN THE WORLD...comes Lauren Alaina. I had said on the forums that if someone sang Candle In the Wind I would throw up (many were very excited about the prospect of their favorite singing this song...especially the *Princess Di* version...what with the Royal Wedding coming up and all). Well, thanks to the fact that Elton John will never let anyone sing the *Princess Di* version ever again (a fact which the forum people were not thrilled to learn from me), we were spared that maudlin spectacle. Unfortunately, we were not spared the twangy, calf bleating, countrified breathy version sung by Lauren Alaina. I don't know why the judges like her. The only saving grace tonight it was it was a difficult song for her to do her normal lap dancing moves to the judges with. But she made up for that by her outfit and *shaking it up* in the commentary. Silly little calf. I know that one day I am going to be dialing my fingers to the bone for PiA so that PiA knocks her out of the competition.

Everyone predicted James would do Saturday Night is All Right For Fighting (another song I'm glad I had closed caption for). This kid just makes me smile. I know KK thinks he is Adam Lambert II but I don't agree. I'm not even a big rock fan. He just makes me smile and I think its because he just loves doing whatever he is doing out there and its infectious.

Oh Thia...she made me cry too but my wine glass was 3/4 empty by that time. Yes, she is robotic and pageanty. Yes, I didn't like her at the beginning. Now, she just breaks my heart. Her voice is wonderful. She is just too young (and perhaps too stage parented) for this experience. Unlike Lauren, she cannot pull off a *oh...aren't I just so young and sassy and clueless* persona. I liked how she mentioned her older brother but WHY don't these kids do a little bit of googling as to a song's history. This song is about a wounded and disillusioned Viet Nam veteran (or perhaps one KIA whose body is on the way to Spain from Nam), not some guy going off to college. Bottom three I think, although I voted for her once or twice out of empathy.

Casey redeems himself singing Your Song. He can actually sing and not growl. I think Casey thinks a lot of himself. I think he got a wake up call last week. He is not going to be showing off how edgy he is anymore. This week he picks the Elton John song EVERYONE knows and loves and plays it straight. A nice job and he won't be in the bottom three. I don't think I can vote for him though...if you want to know why, check out the latest on votefortheworst.com about his propensity to send phone pix to women. The rumor may not be true. But why take a chance when I like Scotty and James so much more?

Jacob has worn out whatever favor I had for him. He looked like he was in agony tonight singing that song and I couldn't help but think perhaps he had a case of severe constipation and stomach cramps. Tone down the queening, preening camp Jacob, or you will be going home in a couple of weeks.

Hailey (Haley) sings Bennie and the Jets! She must have had a lot of votes last week because Randy doesn't hate her anymore. I don't think it was necessarily the best performance of the night but it was in the top three or four along with Scotty and James. Lots more interesting than PiA. And, I sorta thought, she could BE Bennie with electric boobs or boots and a mohair suit! I hope she is safe this week. I bet Lauren pouted up a storm when Steven said Hailey sings sexy.

I am glad that the producers are letting the contestants do a little more of their own in terms of interacting with the audience ala Scotty and Naima doing shout outs (even cheese ball Paul) and Stefemo holding out his hand to Jennifer. Simon would never have stood for those stage tricks, but then who misses Simon?

So...prediction as to bottom three? Naima, Stefemo, and Thia. Maybe Jacob as I think he is wearing pretty thin at this point. Who do I WANT to go home? Lauren, Lauren and Lauren.

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