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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

One Trick Ponies Stand on Their Heads and Other Highlights

As far as I am concerned, they can do the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame theme every week except for the week they do the Rat Pack or 40's -50's theme. I didn't need closed caption tonight because I knew all the songs. All of the contestants chose good songs. That is not to say that all of the contestants sang those good songs well. A few of the *one trick ponies* pulled out new tricks tonight. In the spirit of shaking things up, I am going to comment on the performances from worst to best.

Last place finish in the pony race goes to Jacob. He was going to do *Lets Get It On* but realized his morals prevented him from doing a song about getting it on. So, he chose one of Michael Jackson's save the world songs, The Man in The Mirror. He reminded us, before he sang, that if we didn't like his performance or if he was in the bottom three (I guess it didn't occur to him he might go home), it was not his fault. No...it is OUR fault because we don't want to look in the mirror. There are reasons I do not want to look in the mirror, Jacob, but they have nothing to do with you or your singing and even less to do with starving children. And, you are hardly the poster child for starvation so I don't want to look at you much either. It was a boring performance highlighted somewhat strangely by Jacob simulating *getting it on* with his backround singer. Those hip thrusts were just ....odd. Sadly, the backround singer who was forced to simulate getting it on with Jacob was, in fact, the songwriter, if I understood Steven correctly. Sad indeed.

Eighth place goes to Paul. I have about had it with him. I suppose he thought that doing Johnny Cash was, for him, like a pony doing handstands, but it was just ridiculous. I started laughing half way through. I'm sorry, but singing really fast and really loud does not help when you are singing a song that requires a certain amount of depth to the voice which Paul's voice does not have. He looked like a monkey on crack. The guitar work (which he had lots of help with) was the only thing that made it remotely entertaining, and I mean remotely.

Casey comes in at number 7 singing Have You Ever Seen the Rain, which is a favorite of mine. He has a bass fiddle that he plays. This makes him a great musician. I thought his voice was thin and that he looked more scared than anything as he sang. Randy's reaction was over the top on this one. Maybe Casey deserved to be saved but, in my mind, this was a so/so performance of a really good song and it left me cold. The only trick here was that he only growled for half of the song.

Coming in at number six is our unnatural not woman Lauren. Christina Aguilera did her no favors on the styling, as her hair made her face look fatter and her dress made her butt look fatter. But I like fat girls (and she is not really fat at all), I just don't like her. It was OK, but not up to Crystal Bowersox and definitely not even 20% of Aretha or Carole King. No new tricks from Lauren but she has a huge fan base who have already enshrined her Candle in the Wind performance in their own little hall of fame (she is the new Princess Diana in her fans minds) so she will survive.

Stefemo didn't really do a new trick and perhaps I am giving him the number 5 slot, instead of a lower one, because he sang one of my all time favorite songs ever made. He does have a good voice but I wish he would stop closing his eyes and reminding me of Pukaletta. (For new readers...Pukaletta is David Archuletta).

PiA takes 4th place. Lots of hype for her tonight, because she is going to try to stand on her head and sing an up tempo song instead of a ballad. She sang it well, but I'm sorry...singing an up tempo song is not equivalent to curing cancer...no matter what the judges think.

Scotty does do a new trick and comes in 3rd. Singing Elvis was a little predictable as we have been told he loved to impersonate Elvis as a kid. I thought he might do one of Elvis's more country or slower songs. I missed some of his performance as Mr. Auntee chose that moment to interupt me and tell me about one of our cats litter box defilement. But, Scotty did rock it more than countrify it and so he gets some credit for standing on his head tonight. And he does know how to work the stage and the audience.

In a photo finish, James Durbin comes in 2nd. He may just be winning my heart. Its Rock and Roll week and James stands on his head and slows it down to, of all people, George Harrison! I think that song means something more to him than he revealed tonight but I don't really need to know what it is. I hope he stays around for a long time and if he wins this thing...I will not be unhappy.

Haley crosses the finish line first. As much as I love Me and Bobby McGee, Piece of My Heart is, to me the quintessential Joplin song. She sang it flawlessly and added a few Haley twists. My only criticism is that she is not Janis Joplin. She could have shown a little more pain but then, she is not Janis Joplin. Perhaps if Haley was strung out on heroin and had been laid and dumped by 100 or more guys, she could have brought the pain to the song that Janis did. I'm thinking I prefer less pain for her. Although she did not stand on her head tonight, she is the only contestant who has done a variety of songs from the beginning and didn't have to show me a new trick.

I have no idea how the voting will go. I tried to vote for James, Haley, and Scotty tonight and only got through a few times. In Auntee's world, the bottom three would be Paul, Jacob, and Casey with Paul going home.

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