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Monday, January 23, 2012

Oh Say Can You Hear?

I'm pretty sure the judges gave some smart kid producer some holy hell...the one who had the idea to stage the auditions on an aircraft carrier docked off of San Diego.  Lots of planes and boats going back and forth and making it hard for them to hear the contestants.  It had to be tedious. 

I will be shocked if we hear much more about any of the contestants featured tonight.  I thought nearly all who went through were *been there done that* types with generic voices but nothing to knock your socks off.  Since I waited over an hour through the boring football game AND overtime to see the show...I was hoping for more.  Oh well...its auditions.

The first featured contestant came in a modified bikini and hung out in all the strategic places.  She was well built and thought she was a shoe-in because her outfit would impress Randy and Steven and *I only need 2 votes*.  She would like to work with animals or children if her singing career doesn't work out!!!  God help the animals and children!   She stunk up the carrier deck on not one, but two songs.  Randy, bless his heart, said *if you are going to come dressed like that...you better have a voice*.  Jennifer who was not impressed with her outfit said *it wouldn't matter if she wore a granny dress...her voice is not good*. 

The second contestant was a pretty and sweet single mom who needs this to support her daughter.  She is a generic diva and belted out *And I Will Always Love You* with some variation. If she makes it through Hollywood she will be the favorite of some of the Diva Lovers. 

The third guy...who doesn't have a plan B...called Jerrod or Jareth Gibson is generic  R & B .  He made it through, generically.

Aubrey Deckmeyer is someone I could learn to loathe pretty easily.  She is a pretty girl who couldn't remember whether she was auditioning for American Idol or America's Next Top Model.  She had a generically sweet voice and did some fakey cutesy stuff.  She strikes me as a generic biotch.  Gag me.  

Alli Shields (Plant #1)  comes to the auditions via the Ellen show.  She wrote a song about Ellen, appeared on her show, and did some guest spot work for Ellen's production.  She did a rap song, did her version of a ghetto dance (butt out shaking), and then finally sang a real song.   With a nasally voice which was generic Megan Joy.  She seemed fun and had enormous confidence but not a lot of talent.

Next we meet Kyle Cruise,  the college boy who is really proud that he is in a fraternity.  He came dressed like one of the characters in Revenge of the Nerds and has a reputation as a ladies' man.  They thought he was awesome.  His voice was generically pop like maybe Michael Buble or Scott the Blind Guy?

In comes another plant, Jim Carrey's daughter Jane.  She wants to make it on her own...and to her credit she mentioned she actually has one or two real jobs and she isn't living off of her dad's fortune or doing sex tapes which are conveniently leaked to the internet.  She isn't even making a living showing up a nightclubs that pay her to come and press the flesh of the ordinary patrons (ala Paris Hilton and all the Kardashians). She doesn't have a reality show.  But, she doesn't sing that well either.  She is the generic auditioner who has a sweet but weak voice  and is normally told to *come back next year*.  Except she made it through...not, I think, on her own. 

Finally, we have generic blue collar country singer guy, Jason *Wolf* Hamlin who is a mechanic in real life and has a dead father who made Wolf's guitar (before he died) .  Wolf also acts like he's a bit crazy.   I think he might end up on the cusp in Hollywood but be cut before the final 24 in typical Idol sob story style.

The judges gave away 53 golden tickets in San Diego and went on and on about how great the field was.   I can only assume that they didn't feature the great ones...because this group was decidedly generic.   Or maybe the planes and boats affected their ears to the point that they really didn't hear how weak this group was.     

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