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Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen

For some reason, Idol chose to go to Portland, Oregon.  For some reason,  the featured contestants are from places on the East coast and few are from Portland.  My guess is that the Portland talent sucked so they imported some from other cities to fill in the show.  Or, based on the theme of this weeks show, maybe everyone is happy in Portland so  they looked for misery out of state. 

I thought Idol had been a little shy on sob stories so  far. It made up for it in this one episode which featured more filming of sob stories than singing. 

First up in Brittany Zooka.  She's wearing big glasses and a porkpie hat so she can let off that Zooey Deschanel vibe.  She doesn't have a sob story  but she had a dream she sang with Sarah somebody, went to Sarah's concert and made herself obnoxious enough that Sarah somebody brought her on stage and Brittney's dream came true.  Zooey/Zooka can sing, however.  She might be one to watch.

Second is Van Perdum.  He is from Philadelphia.  He has a very bad illness and is snotting around  without a handkerchief and infecting the entire audition room.  When he wasn't snotting he was burping.  Then he sang some song badly.  He felt bad because his illness prevented us  from hearing his falsetto.  I'm not one to wish illness on anyone but I'm just sayin' his bad fortune was our good fortune.

We've had some R&B singers so far this season and we've had some gospel singers this season but we HAVEN'T yet had the requisite  big  African-American gospel/R&B singer who loves his mama. We do now.  His name isn't Mike, so we cannot call him Big Mike.  His name is Germaine.  JLo is  already calling him the Gentle Giant...if he goes very far I will dub him Triple G for Gentle Giant Germaine.  He has a weird voice.  Partly deep and partly falsetto in odd spots.  He sweats a lot...so I hope they can cure that before Hollywood because I cannot think of a soft G word that means sweating.

Another Britney comes in and ups the ante on the sob-o-meter over the usual single/divorced mother needing to make a good life for her kid because she has two kids.   She  stifled her dream for her husband's basketball career but he was a wanderer.  No mention whether his career is successful or not and whether he pays child and spousal support out the yin-yang if he is.  She sings *You're No Good* and with feeling.  I don't think she was that good but she was really feeling the song and her sob-o-meter was acceptably high so they let her through.

The next contestant, Sam Gershman comes in after she has spent the day gyrating and dancing around the waiting room in her too tight pants and too tight leotard shirt which shows us she is very well-endowed.   She sang *I am a Woman* just in case someone missed the obvious.   The judges, thank goodness, resisted the urge to comment on her figure and sent her packing.  

David Weed appears next.  At least his name sounds like he might come from Portland.  He is a nerd through and through.  People have always told him he has a great voice.   I don't know what he sang but it was awful.  Its only about 7:40 and I'm ready for sleep.  I wanted a drink about then.  I didn't have one but just thinking about the show, I want one now. 

Our next contestant, Romeo Dionne (??? can I have written that down right???) almost breaks the sob-o-meter.  He is from Liberia, was exiled out of danger to a refugee camp in Ghana during the 1990 Liberian Civil war where stayed with some of his family until the early 2000's when he made it to America.  If he had a better voice, he might have closed the show.  He was ok. However, if he makes it through Hollywood he is going to have to keep reminding everyone about his past because he really was not that attractive in personality or appearance.  

Some blonde named Naomi who didn't have a sob story (just a good voice) came on, sang a Steven Tyler song pretty well and she is going through.

A joke guy with a baby face came on and sang a Queen song and wasted a bunch of time.

And then finally....Jessica Phillips who is taking over the coveted Chris Medina/Danney Gokey role this season.  Her boyfriend had a stroke and she is nursing him back to health.  He can walk though, unlike Chris Medina's girlfriend and is still alive unlike Danny Gokey's wife.  Plus..taking care of her man isn't the same as those selfless sensitive men taking care of and mourning their women while they pursue fame and fortune.  Steven didn't even cry. Her voice was all over the place as she sang a song I didn't recognize about misfortune and fortune and rising above it all and staying the same rich or poor.  The sob-o-meter got her through.

Ok, one more audition show to go.  I am so relieved.  The judges seemed bored and worn out to me tonight...and they are getting paid mega-bucks for watching.  I'm not even getting a glass of wine here! 

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