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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I Left My Fart In San Francisco

Sorry, I could NOT resist that title after the show opened with a weeping blonde who evidently farted in her audition and brought it to a speedy end. I wish they had shown her audition instead of that dufus in the car costume. I have often said about my least favorite contestants that they might as well have farted the song but this young lady evidently did! Newbomb Turk from the Hollywood Knights would be so proud!

But alas, she quickly went out of frame along with the pooping pigeons and we were introduced to Inessa from the Ukraine who presented herself as the most talented person in the universe. Inessa has to rank among the top 10 obnoxious candidates of all time. If she had actually been able to sing, I may have thrown up. Inessa the Messa. Look for her videos on YouTube, MySpace, or Facebook. She is evidently multi-talented and probably advertises on Craig's List as well...or did they shut down the hooker services on Craig's List?

There were about 8 candidates tonight that we saw only briefly. I barely remember them three hours after the show is over and I certainly won't remember them unless they do something remarkable in Hollywood.

At least 20 minutes had passed without a sob story, but Idol came through. The accident victim, Stefano, did a good Marvin Gaye imitation in Grapevine. One of the few I've seen audition who can actually sing that song on key.

The Karaoke guy surprised me because I thought he would be a joke audition. I thought he was kind of sweet but I don't recall much about his voice. Sadly, he has no sob story other than working in a Karaoke bar for three years so he will probably flame out in Hollywood.

Then the car guy rolled around the stage and didn't know the words to Born to Run. A complete waste of time unless he thought he was auditioning for some kiddie show. My grand nephew would have liked him. My sassy pants grand niece would have run far away from his crazy ass.

Next up, sob story 2, the girl from Columbia in the sparkly shoes and petticoat skirt. I actually liked her outfit. And her father. Her singing I thought was ho-hum.

Then, in order to make Steven Tyler (who we all know wouldn't hurt a fly) look mean, they showed him staring blankly at some joke contestants. Although I think Dave the Rocker really did kind of tick him off because Steven had high hopes for him and he stunk up the house (figuratively, unlike our title contestant).

Sob story 3...Emily Ann whose house burned down. I liked her voice. Sort of Billie Holliday old time record voice...but...she looks like she won't be able to handle pressure too well and this will probably be the last we see of her.

And finally...the sob story that just may be as compelling as the guy with the brain-damaged girlfriend...the autistic guy with Tourette's. You had to love this guy but you also had to hate his hair. WHY???? WHY??? is that rooster head hair all the rage? I hope he can handle Hollywood.

KK missed the show tonight as she was involved in her own not so little production of a son who weighed 8 lbs, 15 oz, was 21 inches long and looks like he's ready for some sort of defensive position on one of next year's superbowl teams. I hope she is resting because heaven knows she needs it. Come to think of it, I think that kid was born while AI was airing!

Tomorrow....Hollywood. I am already tense because I know there will be some villian who will trample on the competition and unjustly get ahead.

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