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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Every Body Comes to Hollywood!

Season 10! Thanks Randy for correcting me. Double the contestants and double the talent! Well...double the contestants anyway. Out of the 327 most talented singers in America, we glimpsed about 30 tonight. The rest of the ones who survived the first two days evidently did not appeal to the producers or they didn't have a sad story. So, of the ones we saw, here is my brief assessment (basically I rated them on a *love them, hate them, or who cares* criteria.

IF in fact, Brett Lowenstern, aka Carrot Top, age 16 was the very first contestant to sing in Hollywood, then the Producers are diabolical. Take a kid who has been bullied his whole life, throw him into a pressure cooker where EVERYONE is listening to him and then make him the first to perform. Nice! Unfortunately for bullies everywhere, Brett came through with a rather nice rendition of Let It Be. I marginally care but not a whole lot.

Brett is followed by Rachel Zevita and Thea Medea or the duelling divas. You say Zediva, I say Mediva and I wish they would call the whole thing off. I HATE them both.

Casey the one who looks like a grizzly bear makes it through. I love him. He doesn't sing standard songs, he is sort of jazzy (hard for a big red-headed white man to be) and seems confident but not full of himself.

Then, out comes little Miss Muffet, Victoria Huggins, the self-proclaimed American Idol 2011. I hate her before she starts singing and am thrilled when she sounds like a cat in heat. So she has to pack her eleven suitcases (boy was she ready for the long haul in Hollywood) and go home to be the self-proclaimed North Carolina Idol. Sorry honey...but North Carolina doesn't want you back.

Victoria is followed by James Durbin with the faux hawk (HATE it..get him a stylist NOW), autisim and Tourette's syndrome (I would like to stop mentioning the last two facts but Idol won't stop so why should I?). If anyone should have crumpled under the pressure this kid should have. He does NOT! And while he is a heterosexual Adam Lambert imitator and thus not that unusual (except for the Tourettes and the autisim), I'm sort of loving him.

A Celine Dion wannabe named Paris sings *My Heart will go on*. Who cares?

Someone named Stormy didn't make it through. Who cares?

Steven Tyler's prodigy Lauren makes it through. I don't care, and I don't understand why Steven does as she is virtually indistinguishable from any other moderately talented woman I've ever seen on this show.

Ah...Danny Gokey's prodigy, Chris Medina is up next. Not only does he growly sing like Danny, he surpasses him in the *use your dead wife to get ahead* race. Except Julie is not dead and is not Chris's wife. He is pretty much leaving her in the dust to pursue his dream and won't look back unless he has to. But we should admire him for it because ...she inspires him. I hate him and thought he sounded awful and I think the judges did too but couldn't bear to cut him right away.

We see a series of contestants who cannot handle the pressure. Bye!

Then a trio of Jacee Badeaux, Robbie Rosen, and Holly Cavanaugh. You cannot really hate a 15 year old fat kid like Jacee and he does have a sweet pure voice but he is not the next Justin Bieber even IF they send him to fat camp (as a fat person I understand the limitations). Robbie Rosen is in the who cares category and Holly Cavanaugh seemed to impress Randy but I thought she was off-key. I don't think she is the next Carrie Underwood and once again...I don't care.

Steve Bagoon the CPA didn't make it. I'm not sure it was because of his voice. I think he just didn't look like a *star* to them but like a boring CPA so they said Be Gone.

Then the love stories. First Rob and Chelsea who are ex-lovers but auditioned together and made it through this round together. Who cares? Then the really embarassing thing when the two lovers, Nick and Jacklin, sing. Neither was that good but for some reason they just ditched Nick (Jacklin will be coming along shortly Nick..don't worry). Nick begs and pleads for one more chance and sings himself out of the auditorium and you just know Jacklin was thinking *you butthead...you are embarassing me and they will think I'm a butthead just like you..so give it up already!*. Prognosis for their relationship? It ends at LAX.

Scotty, the OTHER 17 year old from North Carolina sings. Jennifer is in love and so am I. John Wayne whats his name does not stand a chance in the country role next to this guy.

Jackee somebody who I obviously don't care about because I cannot even remember what she looks like.

Jerome Bell. Hated his audition I and hated it again tonight.

Finally, the Jersey Shore arrives. Poor Travis. Just not that good and his sob story didn't carry him through.

Then..the Snookie wannabe who put stars on her boobs when she auditioned and comes out and announces that no one knows how to sing but her. I hated her *Snookie* ways in New Jersey and I hate her even more now. This girl does not even look CLEAN! Take a bath lady! Jennifer was not impressed but evidently the men were still looking at her boobs as she made it through. I hope she fails.

At the very end we learn that the Obama girl made it through (boo) and that Emily Ann the girl with the funny voice did too. Good for Emily Ann. Hopefully Obama girl will go soon.

Of course, by this time next week, when the finalists are announced, most if not all of the above will be a dim memory.

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