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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I'm The Greatest Star...But No One Knows It

Finally, we get to Hollywood and so we  can see how these sobbers, and strutters, and golly gee shuckers and diva wanna bees we met in the auditions measure up.

The format for the acapella song is supposed to be that the judges remain impassive until all 10 sing their songs and then they will announce who moves on. But, they cannot restrain themselves. Jennifer is *oh babying*; Randy is going *nice*; and Steven is in his trance face whenever they love somebody.  So..I think its safe to say that by the time they do their final vote, everyone in the group of 10 knows deep down if they are going to make it or not to the next round but of course, the losers are in deep denial. 

Forgive me if I inadvertently *spoil* the surprise for you with a couple of these contestants.  You could have looked at the top 24 a few posts down as any normal person would have and then it wouldn't be a spoiler for you.  I'm not going to pass up a couple of good remarks to baby those of you who are too pristine to cheat and see who is in and who is out. 

Contestant number one is Johnny Keyser from St. Louis.  He's not one bit nervous because Jennifer told him he was going to be a star when he auditioned in St. Louis and he's pretty sure he's got this covered and is already doing his confetti dance and dreaming of outselling Carrie Underwood.  Heck, he probably already has his first grammy acceptance speech written.  Well, Johnny, you made it through Round 1 but if you are going to be a star no one will know it from watching the rest of the season. 

Our second contestant, He Ju is at the opposite end of the spectrum.  He's amazed at the beauty and talent of the other contestants, is as nervous as a drunk in rehab, and appears to have DT's as well as he shakes it off.  But he does  Now, at this point,  I'm thinking he will be slaughtered in the group rounds by evildoers. I'm thinking wrong. 

We next quickly see a trio of good women singers.  Elise Testone has a nice jazzy vibe, Baylie Brown (despite her name that is so sweetie cute you need insulin to recover) has some Carrie Underwood going for her; and Hallie Day who was my favorite in the auditions.  She sang another song I like but I thought she put a little too much melisma on it so I hope she tones it down for future rounds. 

Two more women audition...Jenn Hirsch who is has a sweet face but is determined to look as plain as possible, and Lauren Gray who won't stop singing she is so in love with her own self.  I'm rooting for Lauren to fail.

Then a group of bad women singers all of whom seemed to beg for another chance to kill our eardrums and who were frankly, just pathetic to watch.

The next segment gives us Phil Phillips who *aw shucks* himself into the next round; Reed Grim, whose family is Wisconsin's answer to the Osmonds; and poor homeless Travis whose father is desperately ill and whose mother ran off with another man.  Travis tries and he has some good tones but no fluidity and I just kept thinking: *you sound constipated*.  I said at the time he got to Hollywood with more sob than talent and of course he goes home along with Ramiro, another sobber who has a home but no ears and a couple of who cares who they are people. 

Adam Brock is a heavyset Danny Gokey look alike and sound alike except his wife is alive and so is his baby girl.  He and the big black woman inside of him makes it  through.

Jim Carrey's daughter Jane seems to be pretty sweet and unpretentious, but she is also unremarkable so home she goes. (She actually has real jobs like waitressing and isn't living on a trust fund so I don't hate her because her dad is famous).

I love David Leathers.  I should be annoyed with him because he is a smart aleck ball of hutzpah but he cracks me up and he can sing.  

Shannon Magrone is next.  For some reason her entire family was in the room when she auditioned (oh yeah..her dad is some has been professional ball player who has a World Series ring but no one remembers his name).  She is going to be giving me a migraine for the rest of the season I just know.  The diva drones will latch on to her like they did with Siobahn and Pia from prior years and Shannon will pull some cutesy *oh I'm only 17 and so wholesome* crap and America will vote for her as I smolder away.  When she gets a southern accent and starts singing country don't say I didn't tell you so!

Jessica Phillips, another sobber, actually sang pretty well so she is going through.  I did get a little emotional when she made it through and I saw how happy her boyfriend was so I'm not totally without empathy.

Erika Van Pelt has a low alto voice and I sort of like her.  Creighton and Aaron were sort of ho-hum to me but maybe I was getting tired.  Lauren Mink, despite her name and beauty, really is a good person but I don't know if she sang well enough to make it through. The guy they call *Doity* because hes a germaphobe was rather appealing but maybe its because I wash my hands all the time too so I could relate. 

And finally...Simone Black with a stage father that rivals David Archuletta's psycho dad,  and a head as big as my butt.  She's kibbitzing with the judges after nailing her song thinking *I'm the Greatest Star* and does a dumpster dive off the stage.  Serves her cocky self right I'm thinking.  Now, don't be getting all over me for being mean.  I haven't read that anyone got seriously injured in all the blogs and trade news about Idol so I'm sure she is just fine.  

Ok..tomorrow is the dreaded group night.  I read there was some horrible vomiting flu going around so that should be fun to watch, no? 

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