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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

So Happy Together

For once we were spared judges drama tonight and the show really was about the extras auditioning in San Antonio and Long Beach.  Before I begin tearing them to shreds (I'm in a cynical mood and its my blog and I'll trash them if I want to), I will address KK's point about the Minaj/Carey brawl.  I agree with her that Nicki's point was correct...the judges shouldn't try to force extras into a mold.  However, extras shouldn't be so dumb as to dismiss the genre of music one of the judges has made his own by suggesting it has no soul and is something she has moved on from to something better.  I don't like the judges critiquing these extras on *not knowing what kind of artist you are going to be* instead of their performance of a particular song and Nicki is right not to buy into that.  However, her tantrum and closing down production for the day because she was in the minority at that moment was unprofessional and childish.  So...she made herself wrong when she could have been right.
Enough of the judges.  On to the extras.
First up in San Antonio is retread Vincent Powell.  I liked his glasses.  I liked him teasing Randy about slurping his coke.  I thought his voice was good but not phenomenal.  I have doubts whether he will make the top 20 but reports are he makes it out of Hollywood week alive. 
Second are the two brothers who sang I cannot remember what because all I was thinking of as they sang was their resemblance in movements and attitude to Steve Martin and Dan Ackroyd playing the *two wild and crazy* Czech brothers on Saturday Night Live many years ago.  If you don't remember those segments, google them.  They are still pretty funny.  This duo raised *talking back to the judges* to a new level and I was glad to see them exit. 
Savannah somebody is up next.  She is the ubiquitous single mother who is doing this all for her kid.  She certainly looked like the All-American mother in her low riders, sequined tube top, and bare belly.  She does not have a belly which should be bared even at the beach.  To top it off, she pinned her number on her leg so that she made crackly noises as she entered and when she sang it looked like it was covering her crotch like some modern merkin.  She sings At Last.  Not horribly but her belting will get old for me and I'm thinking she is going to be Hollywood fodder...after she bullies the people on group night.
Christobel is unusual in that she has a kid AND a husband.  Go figure.  She was wonderful and is about the only one I'm excited about so far.  Sadly, she is 29 and that is the kiss of death.   To top it off she is African American, female and doesn't have a guitar.  Sadly, I think she will be fodder if she makes it to the live shows.
Randy goes to a Razorbacks game to surprise our next extra, Ann Defani who is a pretty pageant girl with a decent voice who sang a song about being more passionate with very little passion.  Fodder. Looks like she has a nice husband and good life though so good for her.
Victoria Acosta is the Mariachi singer who cannot sing Fergie.  I don't think she will be singing anything to live audiences except those lining the San Antonio River Walk.
Now I'm going to be blasphemous.  Papa Peaches is one big phony baloney.  First of all, the line about the big black woman trapped inside his body has been used by another extra in a prior year (I cannot recall his name but I recall him being equally annoying)*.  Papa's voice was mediocre karaoke no matter how much he tried to make it sound like Paul Robeson singing Old Man River.  Then, he is too good to do *covers* so he does some shitty song he made up so he could tell the world what everyone knew from the first time he spoke...he is a gay.  Nicki, who is equally phony and relies on gimmicks instead of talent, loved him.  Mariah looked like she didn't want to fight with Nicki again so gave a small yes  and Randy finally gave in and said yes because heaven forbid production should be shut down for this jackhole if Nicki is thwarted. Yay for Keith for recognizing Papa Peaches (or is it Pechaz?) as a first class bs artist.  

Oh crap...up next is a cute little 16 year old of the kind audiences lap up like sugared milk.  Singing Michael Jackson...of course. I think his name is Sanja which is awful close to Sanjaya. I am sick of these children.   Just bring on Honey Boo Boo and kill me now.

The last contestant was rather sad.  Not because he had a terrible voice, he did not.  But there is no way a guy who looks like him is going to make it very far in this competition which is not fair or just but it is the Idol way.  Randy, Mariah, Keith and Nicki may not hold his  shape and face against him but the producers surely will.  Fodder.

We move on to Long Beach and the Queen Mary.  So far we have been spared an overload of sad stories but in Long Beach we got a whole boatload of them (pun intended).

The first extra sings only to Randy and Keith and is quite pleasant to listen to, even if she has an odd name.  For the record, Randy and Keith, it is Shuba Vedula and you have it written on the paper right in front of you so read it before acting like idiots.  Who knows what nickname Nicki woud have bestowed on the extra  had she not been off at a rehearsal making sure the autotune equipment was working properly.  Mariah is late due to traffic and makes what I think was supposed to be a self-deprecating remark about her diva status but maybe not.

So, up next is a wounded Iraq veteran named Matt Farmer who thought he would be sterile due to brain trauma medicine but instead fathered a sweet little girl who he brings in with him for extra sympathy points.  I wanted to really like him because he has done a great thing for our country but his voice was just ok and I was getting tired of being made to feel sorry for him.  Don't get attached to him because according to the spoilers, he is not going to make it to the live shows.

Then some crazy woman named Stefani who obviously has no respect for American Idol comes on in order to scream at the judges and give them the finger.  Nice.  She said she didn't think Idol was ready for her look. I was going to comment on how NOT different she looked with her purple hair and black nailpolish as every other wannabe has adopted that look but its sort of a waste of time now.

Crap..Nikki is done adjusting the autotune and joins the group.  Ironically, the fire alarm goes off and they must leave although Mariah is the only one of the judges who has the common sense to know that the siren means move your butt to the exit folks and Nicki looks at her like she is being a big baby about it all.  Poor Josiah, the extra, is sort of lost in all of it.  But, when they return, this 16 year old girl does sing a rather nice song and is put through.

Micah Johnson is a victim of medical malpractice so I hope when he does not become the next American Idol he gets a good settlement from the surgeon who damaged his nerve and gave him a speech impediment.  If he doesn't already have a lawyer, he will after tonight as the ambulance chasers will be calling him by the hundreds to take his case...which has a lot of merit.  I like this guy despite his sob story.  He is very positive and can sing too.  There are some who believe he is faking this speech impediment thing to get sympathy (see the VoteForTheWorst blog).  I'm not going to go that far but I won't rule it out either.    

Up next is Rachel Hale who drank some of Honey Boo Boo's go go juice (it must be a Southern thing) she is so happy.  Wisely, she loves country music and while she thinks she might cross over,  country is her *wheelhouse* and she's stickin' to it.  Keith is smitten and she does have a good country voice.  I'm not going to trash her because she is happy and nice.  Someone has got to be and your blogger is decidely NOT nice tonight and is finding it hard to be happy as her family members are misbehaving. 

Plant Alert!  Brianna Oakley is another protegee along the lines of David Archuleta and Jessica Sanchez who has already appeared on one televised talent show.  Sadly, she was bullied about it when she went back to school.  Being bullied is the latest fad.   I don't know about you but being bullied for having a lot of talent is not right up there with being bullied for being fat, ugly, poor, crippled, or deformed on my Queen For A Day sympathy meter.  She is Jessica Sanchez redux and sings with the same level of emotion as our good friend Jessica always did. 

The final extra also has a sad story.  He is very short.  In addition he cries easily.  He sings A Change Is Gonna Come and makes the song about him and inserts the judge's name as he makes his pitch.  At that point my give a hoot meter plummeted.  Is it terribly bitchy of me to find it offensive that he equates his life of being short (and bullied of course) with the struggles of those in the Civil Rights Movement?   Its not like he braved Bull Connor's fire hoses or anything.

And, of course you all are hoping I'll be in a kinder mood tomorrow night.  Hope springs eternal! 

*PS..according to the guys at Vote For The Worst the extra who used the *I'm a big black woman trapped inside of a white man's body* line was none other than one of our favorites, Danny Gokey!  Thank goodness Papa doesn't have a dead wife or he might last a long time in this competition.   




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