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Thursday, February 14, 2013

Send In the Clowns? No..Just Zoanette

What can one say? The *Zoanette Era* of Idol has begun.  Do the producers REALLY think this is the way to get the girl winner they so desperately are hoping for this season? 
Lets take the contestants as they were shown:
First we have Angela Miller who already has a fan thread on the forums.  She was the number 1 performer up both last night and tonight which indicates some pretty serious pimping by the producers.  I was not so impressed with her last night (agree with Nicki) and was not wanting to be impressed with her tonight but I was.  Her original song was decent, if not Adele, and she didn't overdo the melisma and runs like so many do.  Now get rid of the hair extensions, or get it styled better or something, because you look very dated...almost polygamy wife like with that hairdo and maybe you will have a shot at the top 5 (if you don't Pia out on us).  Speaking of Pia Toscano...has anyone heard from her lately?  Just asking.

Next up is Candace Glover who I really like even if I don't like her style of singing.  Again, too much melisma and too many runs for me but she seems like a really decent woman and so I'm thrilled she got through to the top 20 this time. So..for those who like melisma parties she's their girl.
Janelle Arthur comes up next and they acknowledge her long history with Idol.  The third time is a charm and she sails through singing *I Told You So*.  I couldn't help but think of poor Micah and how he failed with this choice. 
Now we turn to the point of this whole season evidently, which is Zoanette (aka Zoanada or since I'm in a particularly bad mood tonight...maybe its Zoanass).  This is the 2nd time she has trouble *feeling* the song so she decides to wing it with her own original and play the drums to boot.  To make sure she gets attention she spills her boobs on stage.  She orders the band around and then gets up there and does pure crap.  There was a time when people would get rejected for Hollywood for singing a crap song mentioning the judges names in their audition but that time is gone.  Zoanass drops her drumstick, yells at the band in the middle of her performance and its all just peachy keen with the judges. You know, sometimes I feel guilty for making fun of the show in this blog (really...I do!) but no more.  After this spectacle the gloves are off my fingers and my keyboard will turn ugly at the slightest provocation!  And by the way...if she is 20 years old...I'm 23.  This woman is 32 if she is a day old.  Please, please, someone find out she has a warrant out for her arrest that she hasn't disclosed, otherwise I think she will make the top 10!
Shuba Vedula is next and she is boring to me.  So I won't bore you with trying to remember what she sang and how she sang it. 
Kezban is not boring and she even dresses like a girl today (with help from Zoanass).  She has boobs too.  So maybe I'm wrong that she is really a guy.  She is really cool no matter what but tonight she fizzles by singing some artsy fartsy song about clouds or something.  I think she would be in the top 40 if she had sung the original she sang at her first audition.  I'm of two minds about this.  On one hand, based on her performance she should not be in the top 40.  But why is her crap (which she was serious about) any worse than the crap Zoanass fed us (which she was not serious about?).  I guess Kezban's boobs were not big enough.  But, I loved her positive attitude when eliminated.  And, she loves her mama. 
Then we get a taste of the serious nature of a group of girls  who all seem to have a broken heart or have broken a heart or something which is taking it entirely too much the opposite direction of Zoanass's shenanigans.  Melinda Edemi brings sanity to the room by doing an upbeat song well.  I like her I think.
Kree, who so far as I can tell is the only one from the OK City auditions, male or female, to make it this far, finally impresses Nicki so she gets to go through. ( Wait! I forgot! Zoenass is from the OK City auditions.  She is in fact, according to Nicki,  the reason God MADE Oklahoma!)  Is anyone figuring out that it is Nicki who is calling the shots here on everyone?  Lots of competition in the country girl slot so we will see how she fares against Janelle, Rachel, and whoever else is in the top 40 that the producers consider fodder so won't tell us about.
They put too many women through on this round so they have to let some go and we have a sing off between Stephanie the Barbie/Stefani look alike and sweet Rachel Hale.  Rachel ain't so sweet as she nearly blows off Stephanie's hair extensions on her way to the top 20 girls.  
Then they bring out the guys and poor Adam Sanders chokes.  Unwisely, he chooses to sing a Celine Dione song which I don't recall ever hearing..or at least not the way he sings it...and as he sings the refrain *What Do You Say?*, I can hear the entire viewing audience collectively saying or thinking *We say NO*.  You KNOW you did...admit it! 
Josh Holliday, the aspiring Gospel singer is Adam's competition for the last  guy slot and he sings *Georgia On My Mind*.   Josh splits his pants in a final dramatic move and I'm thinking that  the Jolley kid may have some competition here for the top spot.  Not because Josh is that great...he was fine...but because compared to most of the the rest of the guys...he appears to have an overabundance of testosterone...meaning...he has some.
Next week in Vegas and the judges choose who is in the top 20.  Then we get to start voting.  Yay for us!

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