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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

No Mama

Tonight was a strange night.  I have to admit that this group of guys, with a few exceptions, either leaves me cold or slightly angry.  Not at any particular extra, but at the judges (including my ex second husband Jimmy Iovine)who inflicted certain of them upon us   And even the ones that don't leave me cold, I can find a lot of faults with so here we go with one of my most brutal assessments yet. 

Ryan starts by asking the judges what the guys have to do to surpass the girls' performances last night.  Keith makes an interesting observation about not listening to what the judges said to the girls *if it doesn't apply to you* which to me was an acknowledgment of my Kings X theory...what is good for the goose is not good for the gander.   They show the lineup and I see that my favorite Charlie is in one of the death spots (2 and 3) and that doesn't bode well for him.  No surprise, our *Smurf* Vincent is in the pimp spot as he brought down the house and earned Zoanass's praise last week.

Up first is the Bieber Boy, Elijah Liu.  He's talking smack about what a ladies man he is and how he's going to give it all for *his ladies*.  Earth to Elijah...you are not a hot name in Idol buzz and if there are any ladies out there who want to throw their panties at you...they should be arrested for extremely bad taste if not preying on a child. It would be like throwing panties at Tatoo on Fantasy Island! Just...too...weird.  He is one who makes me angry at the judges because he should have been gone in Hollywood.  He sings a Rihanna song which I don't know and don't care to and I'm not even sure what it was about.  It had a slow, dirge like arrangement and his voice was nasal on the low notes and weak in the falsetto.  The judges tell him how *marketable* he is. All 4 of them use that term and none of them say much about his singing.  Idol producers have Bieber fever and are desperate for a Bieber like breakout star.  Mariah actually said it best when she said he needed to get with a good production company and producer and he would be really marketable. In other words, you are short on talent but with enough autotune and promotion, maybe tweens will buy your record.  I think even tweens are smart enough to see he is just lame.

Cortez come out next and sings Bruno Mars and the band is playing some jarring notes that make him sound off-key or maybe he is off key.  I turned down the sound because my ears were starting to hurt.  The song seemed a strange choice for him.  The critique's focused mainly on his fashion sense and mentioning what he had done in the past but no one really comes out and says *this was not that good*...which they should have.

Then the painful painful sequence with  my favorite Charlie Askew.  To think that last week I was worried he was getting over-confident and now we see him totally disintegrate before our eyes.  To be honest, I didn't think his performance of that Genesis song was so bad.  I didn't like the wifebeater/Rambo shirt or the hair in a ponytail and he evidently saw the light and shaved his non-existent mustache before the performance but who knows because it wasn't visible anyway.  The performance was over the top and quite dark.  I vaguely remembered the song so I went to google and Youtube to see what it was supposed to sound like and it is dark song as performed by Phil Collins who actually cackles evilly in the middle of it so at least Charlie spared us that.  I'm thinking the judges were just shocked because they thought they knew this kid and that he was just mildly nerdy and offbeat and would always do mildly nerdy and offbeat music and now he comes out and shows us his dark side and they are taken way aback at it.  The moment might have been saved for Charlie if he had not spilled his guts in front of millions about being angry and that he is not a happy guy and almost breaking down in tears.  Sad moment because I think its the very end for him.  I'm wondering why he is so angry.  He was chosen as Vote For the Worst's pick this week and I sincerely hope that wasn't the problem.  And I seriously hope he doesn't hurt himself as a result of this because this kid is on the verge of a breakdown. 

Up next is Nick Boddington who I liked a lot last year but am liking less this year.  He is just generic blah blah piano singer singing an old-fashioned maudlin sort of song.  Which I didn't know and cannot remember.  I don't know if he did it justice or not.  Judges are not harsh with him but not effusive either so I think he is not going to be getting a lot of votes. 

Burnell, who is one of my favorites repeats his audition performance of *I'm Here* and I liked it.  What they showed of his audition didn't really do him or the song justice and it was nice to hear more of it.  I don't think this was a *moment* but he is very likeable and I love how he doesn't succumb to the pressure that seems to be applied to the BGBVs to do all sorts of runs and fancy falsettos in order to make a moment. 

Paula Jo says we are gonna have an old fashioned Tennessee shindig with his performance and he  comes out and does a slow ballad which he theatrically oversings.  I was thinking we would get an upbeat country song...maybe something old-fashioned and cheery that he would just sing without emoting to the 100th degree.  At this point Paula Jo, just dye your hair, put on some mascara, and imitate Adam Lambert because this half in half out stuff is just stupid.  He wants to be the male Taylor Swift?  Huh?  Where did that come from? Did he see how much they liked Kree and Janelle last night?

Lazaro, in pink again, sings an old chestnut *Feeling Good* and does a decent job of it.  I thought it was a little Holiday Inn loungey but the audience loved it.  Hard to know if they loved his singing or loved him.  I have no idea what America will do with Lazaro. 

Curtis Finch who is about our 50th worship leader extra sings I Believe I Can Fly and I believe he can.  I like him.  I liked that he didn't overdo the runs and left the vocal gymnastics to the end of the song where they belonged.  Everyone loved him and now I'm worried about Mariah because she does a self-reveal about something painful going on in her life and I hope its not marital troubles because I think she and her husband are so cute together!

Devin *Poindexter* Velez...what can I say about him?  His hair bugs me and he even wore a Poindexter bow tie tonight (or did I just imagine that?).  He sings an oldie, *Impossible* and despite his Poindexter looks this guy  can sing!  And I think that for me, the measure of how well he can sing came when I got tears in my eyes at the end of the song when he was singing in Spanish!  I hope he doesn't do that with every song but it worked tonight because even non-Spanish speakers knew what he was singing and caught the feeling.  Or at least this one did.

Ok, now for our Smurf, Vincent.  He was OK.  He was phenomenal last week so this was a letdown.  Also a letdown for the producers who should have put Curtis or Devin in the pimp spot.  Oh well. 

I have no clue how the voting is going to go with this group but I guess based on the judges (and my) response to tonight's performances I will say I would not be surprised to see the following go through:


Jolley may slip through because old ladies will vote for him and Charlie might slip through because voters feel bad for him (hard to say if his breakdown was a turn off or not).  The others were just pretty forgettable to me.

Poor Charlie. 


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