A Town Without Pity

*Two Hundred and Twelve Hopefuls* arrive seemingly en masse and are taken to the Hanger of Hell.  Under orders to pare the field, the judges ask 52 to audition again...in front of their fellow competitors.  Thirty Two dreams were shattered.  I don't know if the judges actually reviewed the audition tapes again or if they just chose the ones who didn't get a unanimous vote at the original auditions but we are treated to a group of the perceived weakest links.  The only 2 who were memorable were the Sound Healer, Adam Roth and Christiane, or as I like to call her Tatiana redux.  Harry and Keith found Adam as radioactive as his song but evidently JLo prevailed on that one (or it was a trade off for some pretty girl JLo didn't like but Harry or Keith did) because he gets on the bus to the hotel.  Christiane on the other hand, fails memorably, with Harry or Keith saying *she is in love with her own voice* and JLo not caring because its one less pretty girl to deal with.  As you recall, Christiane, like Tatiana of Simon's last season, had a come and go accent.  Tatiana had none when she auditioned but when a Puerto Rican guy came on and got some raves, she suddenly had a PR accent too.   She only knew one Whitney Houston song, made a mess of her group on group night, but got surprisingly far for a mediocre drama queen fraud.  Christiane, thankfully, was sent home before she saw the Hollywood sign.  

After the group is down to a more manageable number, we get the preliminary eliminations.  This is where we see who the producers want us to like (or maybe we see those who will be in the finals..hard to know).  I must say that it is nice to see at least the appearance of the judges actually making decisions.  Last year I think they got handed a sheet of paper by the producers and just mouthed the decisions.  And even though its the preliminaries, its pretty clear the male talent pool is vastly superior to last year's pool which confirms the conspiracy theories.   

I'm going to talk about the ones who impressed me one way or the other.  I'm not even going to look at my cheat sheet to see if they make the top 31. 

Spencer Lloyd sang what has become known on the net as The Sad Song (Say Something) and does it well.  I don't know...he may be a force to be reckoned with.  A video of a toddler in his car seat crying through this song has gone viral.  He called it the sad song and so it is.  

Bria screamed impressively and was cheered on by her momager (I wonder if she is the same momager who is bothering my girl Jess Muese during the group night drama?)  I don't like her much.  She is good but nothing new or special. Just another Diva wannabee.  

Selena, the twin who made over her sister Sierra, has a meltdown but makes it through miraculously.  She seems nice enough but I don't like her voice that well.  It just sounds like cheese to me...very hard cheese on a grater. 

I'm starting to be really fond of CJ Lewis, the black sort of country singer who sang Trouble.  

Alex *I'm impressed with myself* Preston makes it through much to my dismay.  He tries too hard to be arty and different.  He holds his mouth funny at times.  Sort of purses his lips like a fish.

I'm pretty sure I'll have LOTS more to say about him down the line. 

I like Maurice Townsend and his little kids.  I'm not so fond of Casey/Jason (???) Thrasher (really...I think his name is Casey...Jason Thrasher would be just too Friday the 13th) and his little kids but I was impressed that he sang the old George Jones' standard *He Stopped Loving Her Today* and he was much better than I remembered him being in his audition.  I just wonder what the story is with his baby mama. 

Two young girls impressed me because they were not diva wannabees nor were they pageant clones like Angie Miller.  I don't remember their last names.  One was Kenzie who looked like an angel and sang like a little devil.  The other was Rachel.  I think they might give the chosen one, Marielle, some trouble if they make it to the voting rounds.  

Speaking of the chosen one, she wasn't featured tonight although I did see her Miley Cyrus/Rihanna image once or twice.  I get her confused with Mallia from Detroit.  I know they look nothing alike.  But their names are similar.  Its not helpful that the chosen one was featured on two different audition episodes...as if she were 2 people.  She will be the death of me! 

Savion Wright's brother died 2 weeks ago.  He wrote a song about it that really wasn't all that good.  His audition was better than his performance tonight.  I like him but...he needs to up his game and I don't want to hear about his dead brother ala Danny Gokey's dead wife for the rest of the season.

Group night had a little less drama than usual.  I felt bad for Jess who got stuck with some guys sadly lacking in the charisma department in her first group.  One guy's voice was going out so he wanted to quit and the other (she said) couldn't harmonize.  She finally ends up in a group with a momager bossing her around which doesn't bode well but beggars cannot be choosers.  I really think the producers ought to do a little more stage managing once there are people without a group.  I also think they should ban the mothers from the group preparation.   The group of girls who called themselves the Fierce or something like that look anything but fierce as they do cliche choreography (I think my 8th grade class stood with our backs to the audience and snapped our fingers while bouncing on one leg to Jingle Bell Rock over 40 years ago) and don't know the words  I suspect the one who is yelling at them to learn the words will forget hers tomorrow night. 

I will be glad when tomorrow is over.  Group night and day is always painful to watch. 

Its colder than the North Pole where I am.  My feet are freezing even in my fuzzy slippers.  There is a lot of snow on the ground too.  And, I don't know yet if my Shockers are still undefeated but I will check that momentarily. I'm such a chicken, I cannot watch the games.

Update:  The Shockers won!    

Stay warm!      

TGIO

Thank God its...no not Omaha...but over.  Let us hope the chamber will be shattered along with the dreams of those who entered its hallowed walls in hope and came out in despair.  Actually, I do feel compassion for many of the hopefuls.


Tonight is pretty much an anti-climax and blessedly only an hour long.  There were only a few contestants which are blog-worthy, in my opinion.  And, only one was worthy of the Zoanette scale. 


The show starts with a legacy.  The son of Joline of Joline and the Wanted.  I have never heard of Joline or the Wanted but they evidently opened for Keith Urban many many years ago.  Coit or Quaid (not sure what his first name is) was not horrible but that is about all you can say about him.  Joline got him through to Hollywood but I don't think he will be staying there very long. 


The little 15 year old blonde who looked like so many others (I cannot read my writing...so all I know is her last name is Walker) didn't impress me but she was the total package with the judges.  She was followed by Elissa Fremont with a nose  but not a voice approaching Streisand's.  She is not the total package.  She went through without Harry's vote but I doubt if she lasts long either.  I was sorry she wasn't better because I wanted her to be good to offset the hair extension brigade.


Next up is a sort of dorky guy, Tyler Gurwicz from Vermont.  He sang Adele which did not impress Harry and struggled for a moment to come up with another song to sing despite his claim that he has been singing for 10 years.  I didn't like either of his songs...his voice was all over the place to me.  Zoanette scale:  6. 


Tyler Marshall, the happy guy, sang Proud Mary.  I liked him fine but he is not that unique so I'm not sure how well he will do.  E.C. Jones, who sang Stand By Me (with Harry standing by him) was good but so very odd looking.  A little like Humpty Dumpty with hair. 


The Double D's (as I call them) Dayjontea (dear Lord his mother should be shot for naming him that) and Dylan were featured very briefly and I wanted to hear more.  Especially from Dylan.  I probably won't, unfortunately.


Paula Hunt was a lovely woman who is in the Air Force Entertainment Group.  They gave her a bit of a back sob story so maybe she is going somewhere in the competition.  Its hard to criticize her voice but I wanted to PULL that song out of her she sang it so slow.


I like Andrina, who they said was scared.  I don't think she will last in Hollywood though. I got a kick out of the auctioneer but he was really terrible.  Tessa Kate was fine. 


I don't expect too many finalists to come from the Omaha auditions.  I'm glad all of it is over.  Up next is Hollywood Week which I also hate because of the drama on group night.  From the previews, it looks like an early favorite of mine (last name Mues) with the blue hair streak is at odds with her group.  I hope she wasn't a biotch because even if she makes it to the voting, the public won't vote for her.  This is what these kids don't understand.  Yes, you might get a bunch of camera time in Hollywood week if you are part of some big drama, but the public will hate you if you are not nice and no matter how talented you are...you won't get the votes.  So play nice kids! 


They gave away 212 golden tickets.  Lots of dreams to shatter. 

Tequila Sundown, Perfect Packages, and Producer Manipulation

Tonight's show opens with the camera panning in on a ramshackle trailer in a barren yard.  Inside the trailer is a young man holding a baby.  I believe the voiceover says something about little towns and big dreams.  I believe the young man talks about wanting to do this for his kids.  And then...


A pretty blonde girl with hair extensions who is not named Brittany or Tiffany or Amblee or Asher is introduced.  Her name is Austin Wolfe.  She sings Radioactive.  The judges love her.  She is the *total package* according to JLo.  Translation:  She is pretty, thin, and dressed well.  I thought she had a whiny almost harsh tone in her voice but I am learning that I am evidently just plain musically challenged because she is called a force to be reckoned with by either Keith or Harry.  She gets a golden ticket to match her golden hair and smile. 


When I hear the term *total package* I think of Toddlers and Tiaras.  They are always looking for the *total package* in 6 mos. to 15 year olds,  which means a fake smile with fake teeth, fake nails, more makeup than Tammy Faye Bakker, fake hair, and big old ugly bedazzled dresses for beauty.  If they wag their fingers at the audience, hold them to their lips, and then shake their fannies a lot, they have the total talent package.  Which makes you wonder...was Miley Cyrus a child pageant contestant?  But, I've digressed. 


After Austin, Haley the Lumberjack auditions.  I liked her better than Austin but she didn't have hair extensions and was a little zaftig to be the total package so I suspect we won't hear much more from her. 


After a montage of three who get the golden ticket and are praised profusely but of whom I suspect we will never hear again and a forgettable girl named Samantha (to me anyway), Alex Preston appears.  He has been holding court in the holding area, explaining to his groupies how he cannot do anything but play his guitar.  He tells the camera he is really shy but was in a band or something and that helped him overcome it.  He goes in and tells them he wants to *start* with an original (like this is his concert and they will want to hear several tunes from him).  His original is faux angst driven drivel as far as I'm concerned.  He bangs on his guitar because he also plays drums.  Harry is impressed with something he does with his chords.  Alex says he wants to *grow as an artist*.  I find him arrogant and full of his own importance.  He was pushed by the PTB on Facebook and I suspect will be pushed in Hollywood week.  I will be finding fault with him whatever he does because I think he is a phony.


Another girl named Samantha from Louisiana comes in.  She wore a fanny pack.  She is not the total package.  She also sings an original which starts off with her sing talking like Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady.  The song is not memorable and Harry looks chagrined because he wanted this Louisiana girl to be good.  So, she gets to sing another song and chooses The Jefferson's theme song.  Ok, it wasn't horrible but when they play the soundtrack from the Jeffersons right after she exits with a golden ticket, you realize it wasn't that great either.  She is fodder.


Then we get a montage of people with odd names. Ellie Duke (they don't tell us what happened to her of if they did, I missed it), Fish from Hawaii, and Julie (Judy?) Awful.  The Awful girl did not awe me and I cannot remember whether she went to Hollywood or not.  Fish does go to Hollywood which makes his family of 50 very happy but I suspect that is the last time they will be celebrating.


JLo likes this kid called DJ Bradley.  He shows up with messy hair and in wrinkled shorts.  He sings without emotion.  JLo thinks he is quirky.  Keith and Harry are on the fence but let him go through.  I think JLo has been flying around on chartered planes and living in gated communities and staying in 5 star resorts too long.  What she thinks is quirky is what every slobby teen boy looks like these days.
   


After Kenzie, a 16 year old screamer with hair extensions who I kind of liked, Hazely Van Patten, a reformed alkie country singer, auditions.  She was all set to be a child prodigy in Nashville at 14 or 15 but in a year she lost it all due, she explains, to her addiction.  Keith is rooting for her and so am I but after hearing her sing I'm thinking that her failure to make it in Nashville may have had as much to do with her mediocre voice as it did her addiction. She better improve if she wants to make live TV.
 


At about this point in the program, my mind started straying and they were all starting to sound alike.  I have a list of about 4-5 people who I cannot for the life of me remember now with notes like *blonde hair extensions*, *screamer*, *mediocre*.   However, CJ Harris is unusual in that he is a black country singer.  They tell us his father died which may mean we will see more of him as time goes on.  He also gets the pimp spot before the hour break which is another good sign for him.


Day 2 opens with Tequila who announces her presence to the holding room with what some would call a joyful sound and others would call an obnoxious bleat.  Her story is that she sings in church and for the dead at a funeral home.  The judges must have thought she was the second coming of Zoanette (I haven't forgotten about her) crossed with Candace Glover.  Nope...not nearly as ridiculous as Zoanette and way not as talented as Candace.  I looked to see if she made the top 31 and I will spoil it for you and tell you she did not.  I'm relieved. (Although she seemed like a nice enough person and I wish her well in her future endeavors).


Ok, I have to confess my notes are all mixed up so I'm not commenting on any of these in any particular order.


The girl whose father is somebody Mike from the Sugar Hill Gang was not very good.  I think they let her through so they could see her dad.  Sort of like they let Jim Carrey's daughter through a year or so ago and then sent her packing the first day. 


Kimberly the opera singer was a Zoanette scale contender at 8.  Harry suggested she would be more successful at opera.  I do not think so but what else was he going to say as she clearly thought she was giving them a killer audition.  Ouch.


Briston, the 15 year old from Nashville impressed them a lot more than he impressed me.  Particularly when he bragged about his great grandfather being a Nashville recording star and inheriting his Gibson but didn't know what his name was.  WHAT???  If you are going to use your family legacy to get points at least learn what it is before you go shooting your mouth off.  If he goes very far, I may not like him very much.


I thought Dexter, the country singer from Alabama, who wore the hat with the BBFF initials on it (for Bang Bang Flop Flop Kennels) was pretty good.  I'm afraid he is a bit chubby to be the total package, however.  If he gets very far, I predict sabotage to make way for someone more photogenic. 


And, we end the show where we began.  The young man with the baby is Jason Crasher from a small town somewhere in the South (of course he is...the trailer gave that away).   He lives in the trailer with his aunt for now and has another baby we meet.  I'm beginning to think he actually lives in a 3 bedroom 2 bath ranch house and just moved in for a day or 2 with his aunt to make his story better.  They love him.  He gets the Marielle treatment....he opens and closes the show.  They will give him a better hairdo and some better clothes and he will be the total package.  Count on it. 

Mamma Mia

Ryan Secrest is going home to mama. It seems like Ryan is not nearly as much of a presence this year as he usually is in the auditions but we now know he has a mama and that she is a ham.  Good for her.  I saw her interviewed once and she really is a firecracker.   So yay for mamas (as opposed to momagers but more on that later).


The show opens with more chamber drama.  You would think they had discovered penicillin the way they are hyping this lame chamber concept.  Lets hope it is just for the auditions.  If it goes into the live shows and wastes air time I will not be a happy blogger. 


The first contestant up tonight is Majesty Rose.  Despite her affected name, I liked the way she sang.  No frills. 


Jesse from Kentucky drove all night and I was glad he got a golden ticket for his trouble.  I don't think he has the *total package* they talk about (he isn't good looking enough) to get much attention or a push from the PTB so I suspect the poor guy will end up tending the counter at the all night gas station again soon, but we can hope. 


After the girl with the pink hair is justifiably rejected, the show enters another dimension for me for quite awhile.  The next three contestants are, in my opinion, not ready for afternoon viewing.  Chris Medina brings his dog.  Really?  I hope that poor dog doesn't have to go to Hollywood with him.  I thought he was terrible.  They all loved him.  Were they afraid to disappoint the dog?  Then, the sweet nurse Kristen O'Conner (we see her practicing in THE CHAMBER...OOOOH) comes out and gives a pretty pedestrian performance which will put her at the bottom of the pretty girls with hair extensions going to Hollyood pack.  Finally, Emily, the 17 year old who has been watching idol since she was 2 or 3 did a performance which made me cringe for her.  They all got through.  


The next two contestants were fine...actually I wrote good by Ben Briley but now I don't remember him.  Is he the one with the wife who pushed him to pursue his dream?  And Nika LaShay was super confident if super loud singing Natural Woman.  But then they send Jordan, the 15 year old cook (who needs to cook because he likes to eat...hey he said it not me) through.  When he sang all I could see was his tongue and I thought he was pretty bad.  


Harry said no to the Phil Phillips clone, Sam from Athens. I bet this is the last we see of him.  Then someone really interesting to me came on.  Jessica Muse from Slapout Alabama.  She did an original which made Angie Miller's sappy original sound like a 3rd grader wrote it.  I really liked her even if her pink/purple hair streak was a little out of date if she wants to be outré.  


I thought the dressed up in a costume country girl was just OK but they seemed impressed with her.  Then the retreads, Nico and Caleb made it through.  I don't think they will fare any better this year.  


Finally we end with Bria with the sparkle lips who is only 15 and belted out some song.  I cannot remember.  I didn't like her or her mother the momager.  Shades of Kris Jenner (who will be changing her name back to Kardashian soon).  Maybe Marielle, the producer's next Lauren Alaina, will cut them both down to size.  


Things I thought about after I wrote last night's blog.  They have been eliminating most of the sob stories (thank goodness) but they did include Marielle's sob story.  This is a sign she is the chosen one.  I really did not read Michael Slezaks blog before I wrote mine last night but was gratified to see he got the Alaina similarities too.  


And...one more thing I have noticed the past 2 nights.  JLo no longer uses the word *pitchy*.  Thanks to Harry saying its not a word, she now says that people are *out of tune*.  Of course, she would never acknowledge that it was Harry's influence...not with all the sui generis stuff coming out of her mouth.  I'm not a JLo fan. 


And now I'm slap out of things to say. 


 

Detroit Deficit

I swear sometimes that there is a person at Idol whose job is to read all the obscure blogs like mine and then torment their authors.  Last week I mocked the Chamber and this week they mocked me by starting the program featuring the Chamber.  I know they really weren't mocking ME, but how is that for prescience on my part.  They really are hawking that stupid Chamber to the point of nausea.


OK, we all know Detroit is a bankrupt city that is literally falling down in front of its residents.  It appears that Detroit not only is running a deficit on its balance sheet but that it also is running a deficit in talent.  About half way through, I noticed that no one auditioning was actually from Detroit...or anywhere near Detroit.  There was Kansas, Indiana, Georgia, Miami.  Heck, even the one gal from Detroit now lives in Hollywood.  They gave away 40 golden tickets and only 20 went to people who were from any where that could be considered Greater Detroit or even Michigan.  Of course, what happened was that when they had the cattle call auditions in Detroit, they came up short of worthy contestants so had to send it people who first auditioned in other cities for the judges two day stint.  Or at least that is what I'm thinking.  It makes sense considering people have been leaving Detroit in droves. 


I made notes on nearly all the auditions but only starred a few for comment as I think there was quite a lot of fodder presented tonight. 


My first star went to Malaya, the 16 year old tuba player.  I normally am not a fan of these young things.  I think the show is too slanted toward them as they try to find the next Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus and end up with Angies and Jessicas. Malaya is the anti-Angie/Jessica.  She just made me smile.  I hope she does well. 


Right after Malaya, Brian Watt (aka *Superman*) auditioned.  I didn't really make notes on his talent but he was one Ken doll look alike wasn't he?  If he makes it to the live shows, I think he might be a favorite based on his looks alone. 


My Z scale came out with Christiane (no last name because she uses only ONE name like Rihanna and Beyoncé).  She is clearly a legend in her own mind and cannot wait to perform for millions and get all the glory and fame she believes she is entitled to.  She has an accent even though she was born and raised in America because her father is Sicilian.  I called her accent fake right then just like Tatiana's accent was.  She sang poorly.  I didn't see anything redeeming in her voice and neither did Keith.  I don't know what Jennifer was thinking putting her through and I really don't know what Harry was thinking as he clearly pegged her as a big old fake when he noted her accent went away. I have a feeling we are looking to a huge Hollywood Week meltdown from her.  Boo! Z scale score:  7.5


Another Z scale score went to the hefty guy who loved Harry Connick and sang Sinatra.  His voice wasn't horrible but it wasn't really a moving performance and as Keith noted he lacked sex appeal.  I almost felt sorry for him except for his bragging to his fellow contestants and his sour grapes response when they said no.  He is a jerk and therefore he is not entitled to sing Sinatra.  Z scale score: 7.


Damon from last year made it through again.  He is the one whose wife Nikki sassed during Vegas week.  She hated him and I think it was because he had a wife.  I hope he does well but I wonder if he has the charisma to go all the way. 


The highest Z scale score has to go to Carlita and Riquita, the dynamic identical twins who boasted of their natural talent.  Oh..that was painful.  It wasn't even a question of not being quite ready yet.  J Lo was kind when she compared them to a high school talent show act.  Their alternating solos were horrific enough but they couldn't even harmonize!  Z scale score: 8.5.


One contestant I really liked, because she reminded me of Hailey Reinhardt, was Melanie from Kennesaw, Georgia.  I noticed that JLo was less impressed with her probably because she saw the resemblance to Haley, who she treated abominably during Haley's season.  Sometimes JLo has a bit of the evil stepmother in her and you wonder if she goes back to her dressing room and asks the mirror who is the fairest of all.  (I don't take credit for that comment...I will refer you to the genius who originally said it shortly). 


Ethan Harris, the Keith Urban fan, is one to watch I think.  I actually thought this before I looked at the spoilers and you will just have to take my word for it that I did.


The final Z score goes to Ryan with the Pompadour who lost a lot of weight.   OK...he is *sui generis* (isn't JLo smart...take your Pentatonic scale Harry and shove it) in an obvious way.  This pompadour thing must be a new in thing because even the guy from Kansas had one but I have to admit that Ryan's was bigger.  I was not impressed with his song choice (Arms of an Angel is a song whose lyrics make no sense to me...does the person die in their sleep?  Does a ghostly angel watch over them as they sleep? What the heck is the song about?) and I want to relegate that song to the *never sing on Idol again* along with Hallelujah, I Who Have Nothing, and anything sung by Whitney Houston.  I don't know why they put him through.  I thought he was an 8 on the Z scale.


Finally, we get another teen, Marielle Sellars.  I think she is going to be pushed pushed pushed on us much in the same way as Lauren Alaina was.  I didn't hate her.  I just don't think I'm going to be a fan of hers as time goes on...I'm rooting for the Tuba girl.


For those of you with time on your hands and an enough interest, there is a great video recap of Idol episodes done by a guy named Michael Slezak.  You will have to google him.  He and Melinda Doolittle (one of my favorite ever on Idol) do commentary and together they are hilarious.  They don't always agree and they have great rapport with each other.  I haven't read this weeks recap but here is a link to it.  http://tvline.com/tag/american-idol/ 


Ok, I don't know where they are going next.  I've had enough auditions and we are probably not even half way through them.  ARRRGH. 
 

Chambers of Mediocrity

That Chamber is stupid.  (I tried to find a more adult word that would convey the same meaning but I am sticking with stupid).  Yes, producers, having the contestants stand in a gray box which makes them claustrophobic (and the viewer vicariously so) is the way to get the 18-35 age group to turn off Duck Dynasty and turn to Idol.  Hey have you heard?  Idol is really cool this year...they put the contestants in a CHAMBER...lets watch! Again, reverting to language which is on the same maturity level as the Chamber, I wonder what stupid head came up with the idea.


Well, this head sort of forgot to turn on Idol tonight until it was half way over.  Looking at other recaps of the show online, it appears the only memorable moment I missed was my man Harry chastising a contestant for disrespecting the process.  I ,gather that contestant would have scored high on the Z scale so I'm sorry I didn't see it.


So, I turned on the 2nd half and have to say that the only remotely interesting contestant to me was  David Lunig, the guy who sang the *dark* original song.  I have no idea how he will fare going forward but he was the only one to offer anything that wasn't what everyone else had to offer this week. 


The girls were particularly boring.  *My name is (Britney, Ashley, Tiffany, Briana, Selena) and I am  (16,17), I have long (blonde or brunette) hair, and I'm going to sing something you will not remember in 5 minutes*.  Perhaps there was a gem contestant or two in the quick montages they ran between the long-haired teens, but we caught only a glimpse of them.


I don't remember many of the other men.   We had the two weepers.  Emmanuel wept because he was chosen (he was nothing special) so I gave him an 8 on the Z scale just for the tears.  Then, Ronald James Reed came on screen advising the others in the holding room that he was going to bring world peace, end famine, and cure disease AFTER he won American Idol.  I smelled a big Z score coming on at that point.  I wasn't disappointed.  His breakdown was pretty revolting.  He hits the floor and moans and mourns and you and I both know he was paid to be a pompous ass brought to humility by the judges.  If his act wasn't so contrived, I would have given him a 9.5 on the Z scale but...he wasn't serious.  


And then of course, the man in white.  The sound therapist or guru or whatever he called himself.  First, he sings Hallelujah which should be banned forever and ever on this show.  Then he sings it badly...yelling out the Hallelujah part as if he is at some Oklahoma revival meeting watching the preacher play with snakes.  He is a fake as JLo noted and believe me, I don't think she is the most perceptive human alive.  I also don't think he will last long.  


Now...if you want, you can see who makes the top 13 by going to MJS Big Blog.  Just google it and you will find a link.  I read the list and no one popped out to me.  I'm hoping there is some interesting woman who is over 18 who has a distinct style who I can get behind.  If all we get are the little girls with hair extensions belting glory notes on the female side, I'm going to go for the cutest WGWG this season. 


    

Season XIII Begins and I'm Just Wild About Harry

Maybe Season 12 of Idol will go down in history with that one season of Dallas.  The one where Bobby Ewing was dead (because Patrick Duffy was in a contract dispute with the production).  Then, the next season, he's in the shower and we find out Pamela Ewing had a season long bad dream and nothing that happened that season really happened after all.  All of last season was a bad dream for me and anyone else I know who is an Idol fan.  I was ready to throw in the towel.  In fact, I don't know if any of the 4 or 5 people who read this blog will watch this season.  On the off chance that one or two will, I'm going to blog again and hope that my partner, KK, will have the desire to watch Idol and join in (in her blue typeface).

All is happy pappy with the judges this season.  I was not thrilled about J Lo's return.  She says she loved doing Idol and missed it last year.  She missed the money and the attention I think and you KNOW her agent was smart enough to put in her contract...no other women on the panel... because that woman will not be caught like poor Mariah in a dueling diva scenario.  So...she's in an enviable position between 2 really cute and nice men who will flatter her ego all season long and she can appear to be really sweet, modest and *just one of the guys*.   They do all seem to get along and handle their disagreements in a good-humored adult way so that is a nice start.

 

I wish Keith Urban were my little brother.  I wish Harry Connick, Jr. was my other little brother.  They will keep me and the other frauen (ladies of a certain age who love Idol) happy this season.  But I'm especially wild about Harry.  He is so smart and he agrees with me that all the vocal histrionics are not that impressive.  And he has an IQ of 143 (don't you love the way he shut down that Mensa braggart contestant?) and knows about the pentatonic scale (I didn't know about it so I googled it and here is what I found http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentatonic_scale.

Speaking of scales, I have my own for these auditions.  The Zoanetta scale.  You all remember Zoanetta don't you?  That absolutely atrocious contestant that Nicki Minaj championed into the top 20?  Our little lark?

 

Only 2 even approached the perfection that is Zoanetta tonight and the concept didn't occur to me until half way in,  but I think it will be a useful guide going forward. So 10 Zs is absolute Zoanetta perfection.

We start in Boston with Mariel singing Grenade.  I thought she was a little flat emotionally but her voice was nice enough.  So, she gets 6 Zs.  Next up is Trey who thinks he is a 100 on whatever scale he is working with.  He ruined the melody of Over the Rainbow and for that he gets 8 Zs.  

Sam from Florida was next.  He lives with his grandparents because his parents are out of the picture (sob story).  If he survives Hollywood, the young girls (assuming they are not watching Duck Dynasty) will love him and probably some frauen will too.  He did fine  but didn't blow me away so I'll give him4 Zs.

Three or 4 more contestants run by us in a fast montage. Some of them might be really good but not enough time to tell.  I'll reserve their grades on the Z scale if and when we ever see them again.  

Up next is Taylor *freakin* Hillback.  Right away I know if she goes to Hollywood I will develop an irrational hatred of her.  She is studying jazz singing at a community college and hopes to be accepted to a more prestigious music school once she gets her associates degree. (I believe she looked meaningfully at Harry at this point).  I don't think Harry is going to be recommending her to Julliard.  Instead of singing Jazz, she goes into a horrific rendition of Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats. Jazz/Country whats the diff?  JLo said yes.  The men said no, despite her cuteness. I think they could tell she is used to getting by on her looks and ditziness and decided she was full of Z.  She gets 7 Zs.

At some point, the audience is asked to guess whether a boho looking girl singing House of The Rising Sun makes it to Hollywood.  We don't hear much but what I heard I found approaching 9Zs.  She made it to Hollywood.  I like to think Harry voted no. 

About this time, another theme surfaces.  The *I've worked so HAAARD* theme we hear from the contestants and their families.  Stephanie, who is 17 and a huge JLo fan has worked hard.  I found her and Morgan, another JLo fan pretty high up on the Z scale.  I give them both 6 Zs. Harry was freaked out by Morgan's song choice as she is only 16. I'm afraid Ooh la la might be the song of the season.   

Finally, we get to James Earl.  He is cool.  I like him right away.  And he is up to the Z scale!  He is only marginally less perfect than Zoanetta (and enunciates just as clearly as she did) so I give him 9.5 Zs.  Sadly, this is the last we will see of him.  

Oh no...a Bieber clone with a stage mother.  Austin with the mother who cries and has light bladder control issues.  I'm glad she is not going to Hollywood because I can imagine the havoc she would wreak on Group night (she might slap one of those snotty girls up the side of the head with her Poise Pad). I'll give him 5 Zs because he is just so middle of the road.  I'm not too fond of him really.  Maybe he will be my object of irrational hatred this year.

Catelyn is up next and is singing an original song.  A song she wrote about her grandfather who had a heart attack while she was singing at some state fair opening for some artists I have never heard of but by whom the panel was supposed to be impressed.  Grandpa survived for awhile but died the day after she wrote the song.  Harry said afterwards *she is smart*.  Yep, a smart move.  How are they going to turn her away  when her grandpa suffered his fatal mishap watching her sing?  This sob story was enough for the panel to overlook her glory notes which sounded awfully familiar to me as my cat just had blood taken at the vet's and emitted almost the same exact glory notes (my cat was quite a sensation at the vet's).  I give her 7 Zs. 

Keith London is up next and to me he was just blah.  I give him 5Zs.  And then there was the obvious joke plant contestant, Sam somebody.  At least there was only one tonight.  I'm not going to bother grading him.  The point of Z perfection is to be  in the Z zone giving what you believe to be a legitimate performance.  Sam knew he was joke. 

And so we go.  None of the rest of the group tonight was that especially good or bad with the exception of....Savion Wright who actually HAS been working so hard to get to this point.  First, his song was good and intelligent.  And he sang it well. I think he is one to watch out for.  If I can only resist calling him Sauvignon Blanc.  He gets 1 Z.  Maybe even a .5 Z. 

I really hate the auditions.  I'm not going to be so wordy for the rest of the audition blogs.  For that, I'm sure the one or two people who read this will give me 1 Z.

And, keep our fingers crossed.  Maybe this year like every year, it will be all about the judges but in a good way.    

  

   

 

The Good, The Bad, the Indifferent, The Infuriating and Thank Goodness Its Over!

Congratulations to Candice Glover who deserved to win tonight.  Of course, Kree did too.  Couldn't be a wrong result with those two and while I wanted Kree to win, I will count Candice's win as #1 on the *good* things about tonight's show.  So ironic that with the Idol production melting down before our eyes all season, one of the good ones took the title.  Almost as if America was trying to save Idol in spite of itself.

Other *good* things about tonight's show, in as Ryan says *no particular order*:

The Band Perry with Janelle Arthur.  I had never heard of them but they are evidently a rising country group.  I thought Janelle was great with her dancing and moving along with the lead singer and I was very proud of her.  The song *Done* grew on me as the performance went on.  I did google them to find out more about them and...interesting fact...one of their hits is *Better Dig Two*, the song they gave Kree to sing as *producers choice* in the top three.  I'm wondering if there was some sort of deal between The Band Perry and Idol to feature their song and Kree was the victim.  It suits Janelle, did not suit Kree (and not only because she buried 2 in real life).

Top 5 Men sing a Medley of Four Seasons songs with Frankie Valli.  Hardly current fare, but I enjoyed it since I grew up on those songs and I especially loved watching Keith sing along with *I Love you Babeee*.  Not much featuring of the individual men finalists but really who cares.  If Lazaro screwed this one up it wasn't evident.

Candice and Jennifer Hudson singing *Inseparable*.  This was probably THE performance of the night.  I loved it, got a little teary and at that moment, if I didn't know it before, I knew Candice had won the title. 

Mariah in her mermaid dress.  This was taped beforehand and I'm thinking she may also have been lip syncing but it was good to see her perform a medley of her hits (which I have not followed) and well...I'm glad they featured her after the crap she has had to endure this season.

Keith and his new single...haven't we heard this before? I'm not sure this was a mind-blowing performance but he is so cute dammit...he could have stood there for 2 minutes and I would have enjoyed watching him.

Making fun of the judges.  Really, the only good thing about it was the last shot of Devin's padded butt as he mimicked Nicki but that is enough to get it up here in the good category. Nicki seemed like she wanted to appear amused but really was not.

Nicki hardly said a word.  In fact, I'm not sure she said anything at all!  Have the producers seen the light and put a zip on her lip or was she just pouting because Mariah, Keith, and Randy all performed tonight and she didn't?  Lets hope reports that she won't be back are accurate.     

The Bad

The Boys Were Sabotaged sequence.  I suppose it was somewhat humorous if not side-splitting but it was bad because it was true.  These 5 WERE sabotaged not by the girls, obviously, but by being put in the top 10 to begin with when better guys were eliminated to avoid having a white guy with guitar win this season.  I still think the guy with the titanium leg showed promise and he didn't even make it to Hollywood!  Who knows who they threw away to come up with the final line-up of men who had no sex appeal for straight women (or gay) and zero charisma for gay men. 

Jennifer Lopez.  Why do we need to see her and some rapper named Pit Bull sing a song about JLO?  I seriously hope this isn't a precursor to bringing her back to the panel.  Performance so autotuned you could literally hear the system working.  Also probably lip synced.

Psy(I?)  Ok, kimchee is not the worst product of South Korea anymore.  Psy, of whom I had heard before tonight, has been dubbed by MTV as the *viral star of 2012*.  Viral indeed and where is my vaccine?  He is supposedly sort of a joke but not really a joke but to me of course he is a joke and I'm ticked off that air time was wasted on him.  I would rather eat a pound of kimchee than see him and his *gangnam* crap.  I actually have never tasted kimchee but according to Mr. Auntee, who spent time in South Korea, it is vile.

Lazaro hogging the camera after Candice was crowned.  What was with him?  I'm thinking he's not as nice as he pretends to be.  Its not like they were particularly close, like Candice and Burnell.  He was EVERYWHERE the camera was. 

The Indifferent

Amber and Emili Sonde.  I like Emili but couldn't get into Amber even in her snakeskin pants which seemed to fit her funny in the crotch. She was just kinda all over the place in uncontrolled vocal gymnastics and not with the song really. 

Angie, Adam, and Jessie C.  More on this later.  Adam was good but I could have done without more Angie.  I hope someone in the UK likes her and she stays there never to be heard from again.

Tribute to Randy.  Ok, it was probably nicely done.  Goodbye Randy.

The Infuriating

Yes, everyone said that Candice was the runaway winner and I'm not saying she didn't deserve it but did Kree need to be treated like typhoid Mary tonight?  

Lets start with Aretha who may or may not have known the winner but who basically spilled the beans when she went on and on about Candice.  (I liked Aretha's performance but I was seething already at that point about short-changing Kree so I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have).

Then, Ryan introduces Angie and talks about her *shock* elimination which of course everyone knows means *she should have been in the finale instead of Kree* and then they proceed with the most infuriating part of the show to me which was giving her more time than Kree.
 
 I am  also pretty sure that Amber got more voice time than Kree and of course Angie...with 2 songs each of which seemed longer than Krees,  did.  Its almost as if they scripted the finale 4 weeks ago on the belief that their plan to shovel Kree off the show in 4th place would work.  Then, while it was nice to sing with Keith and have Randy play back up, the sound of the guitars drowned out both her voice and Keith's so you couldn't really enjoy the performance.  It was really more about Keith and Randy than Kree.  Why not give her a little more glory time?  She was robbed of face time tonight in favor of Angie and that pisses me off. Basically, we heard as much of Janelle as we did of Kree tonight.  I'm still livid about it frankly.

So...at last this season is over.  I have no idea if I will watch next season.   It depends on how stupid they are with the judges selection.  Keith has said he would love to come back and I think most viewers would be fine with that.

And, thanks for reading me this season.  Its been a hard slog for all of us I think.   

 



 

Power Up

I must say, it was so nice to turn on Idol tonight and know that I didn't have to see or hear from Miss Angie Perfect Apple Pie Polygamy Hair. According to the entertainment press (or at least the few writers who are bothering to write about Idol), hers was a big shocking elimination and she was destined to win this season.  I never really bought into that and obviously, America didn't either.

So, we have two very different singers performing tonight, each of whom is stellar in their own way.  I didn't take many notes but simply enjoyed the show.  In my mind it all depends on whether you are wowed by the power notes or appreciate subtlety.  I'm in the latter camp but you have to agree with Randy that Candice can sing.

I was hoping for an underdog upset but after seeing Dialidol.com, it looks more likely than not that Candice will win.  I have thought the past two or three weeks that Kree's support was greater than Idol producers wanted the audience to know and think it was highly likely she got the most votes last week.  But once Angie is gone, its hard to say where her votes will go.  Since Angie was a big power diva wanna bee I'm thinking that most of her fans will vote for Candice for that reason but perhaps even more because they think Kree edged Angie out of the finale...when in fact...I think it was Candice who edged Angie aside.

Be that as it may, I won't be upset with either result and that is a first for me for several years.  This season, which has been a travesty in so many ways actually ended tonight on a good note.  The judges were somewhat subdued although all but perhaps Keith, gave the night to Candice.  I think they tied on the last song, I give Kree the 2nd song, and Candice the first song (although really I'm with Randy that Fuller's song choices were lame for both contestants).

So...this is the 2nd to last post of the season...and maybe the 2nd to last post ever on this blog.  If they bring back Minaj or do something stupid like hire Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez or equally lame judge choices, I won't be watching next season.

Update:  Just read an article saying that Minaj will not be back next year and that *she was only going to do one season anyway*.  Yeah...right.  Just hope the article is accurate. 

Up Your Nose Nigel Lythgoe!

As I seethed intermittently today over last night's show and the brazen insensitivity of making Kree sing about grave digging for her last chance to win votes, I realized I didn't have to watch this show any more any more and I didn't watch it tonight.  However, I had to go to MJ's website and see what happened and to my surprise (and evidently to the surprise of all of the judges who had been paid to get America to dump Kree) Angie was eliminated.  Fortunately, MJ's site also has clips of the crucial moments and I was able to see what happened when Angie's dreams didn't come true. 

Kree looked shocked, the judges looked shocked, Nicki was having some sort of sidebar with Keith (demanding a recount or plotting how to screw Kree in the finale?) and Angie cried her way through her swan song.

Was it the hometown video that swayed the voters?  Was it the blatant favoritism that made them vote hard for the underdog?  Did America just like the girl who hugs everyone and didn't act like a prima donna? Who knows.  The right two are in the finale and I don't care now how it ends because both deserve the title.

And, in the meantime, Idol is still tanking in the ratings and came in second to the voice among the key demographics Wednesday night.  Realizing they have a disaster on their hands and that their crown jewel is turning to coal, Fox reportedly is doing a total revamp and canning all 4 judges and Nigel for next season.  http://www.thewrap.com/tv/article/insider-american-idol-firing-all-four-judges-getting-massive-makeover-90256

Randy has reportedly already issued a statement that he won't be returning.  I would like to see Keith come back but I suspect that all the drama this season has made him want to hit the bottle again and that he will go back to Nashville, Nicole Kidman and his two little girls with relief that this nightmare is over.   Mariah will be fine.  Randy has made a bunch of money over the past years and he will be fine too.  As for Nicki, well, if Idol doesn't return, or if next season is its last, she will forever be remembered for tanking the show.  Which is in some ways unfair but in other ways not so much. 

And, I find some real joy in knowing that America ultimately didn't care about what boots or short shorts or leather pants and skirts people were wearing, what color their lipstick or eyeshadow was and whether or not they had lost weight.  It just voted for the singers it liked the most.  Yay for America. 

I Don't Like Angie Miller and I'm Not Kidding...and Nigel Lythgoe is an ASS

The Final Three performed tonight after a weekend of hometown festivities and it was pretty clear that Kree is the third wheel as far as the producers and Jimmy go.  They really didn't want her here this week and the song choices they made for her proved it.  This is just Idol's annual way of sabotaging the one they don't want to win and it should have come as no surprise that Kree got the shaft on song choices.  But more on that later.

Let us start with our clapping seal, Angie Miller. 

She went home to Beverly, Massachusetts, after a stop in Boston and we had to be reminded that she was Boston's great inspiration in the aftermath of the terrorist bombings...perhaps she even invented the term *Boston Strong*?  Well, no.  She lands clapping her hands and heads out the door with open arms to meet her public and  GASP  no one is there.  The limo goes down empty streets, she goes to a coffee shop where no one knows her but her friends and then we see her and her friends in a limo travelling on more empty Boston streets.  Finally she gets to Beverly and there is a crowd of maybe 100 people at her family's home and Angie greets her adoring public.  Clap clap clap some more.  Her brother, who they bring on stage with her to watch the hometown video, has grown a beard for the *play offs* (do you suppose he has been watching reruns of Duck Dynasty instead of Idol like most of America?).  Whatever, he looks like a dork.  The grade school is full of kids (aren't all grade schools...I mean of course they are happy they don't have to be in class) and the concert has a decent but not overwhelming crowd.  She plays the piano with one hand (I wonder if she even plays the piano or just hits a dead keyboard) and emotes all over the place and blessedly the video ends.

Jimmy has given her Elton John's *Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word* on the belief she will sit at the piano.  She doesn't want to learn the chords so she stands there and sings it and its ok but not a moment, particularly when she screams out some off key glory notes.  Her idea this week of *being in it to win it* appears to involve singing every note as loud as she can.  The judges and Jimmy, blinded by her teeth, and deafened by her clapping hands, praise her effusively.  Jimmy thinks she won the first round.

Her second song is an upbeat song and she prances around the stage somewhat.  I have heard this song but didn't write down the name of it because I really didn't care at the point.  She is given great praise for doing 2 songs without her piano.  More effusive praise.  I am so sick of Angie at this point I am near tears of frustration.


Finally, she sings Maybe at the piano and goes all out having eye sex with the camera, humping the piano stool, and screaming the notes at the top of her lungs.  Again, effusive praise for this fake girl.  Seriously, between her and and Nicki Minaj I don't want to watch this show any more any more. 


Candice goes home to Gullah country and you cannot help but be happy for her, her family, and her little community and all the genuine love surrounding them all.  She seemed genuinely humbled by all the hoopla as opposed to Angie who kept looking around for more praise and more people to idolize her. 


Jimmy's choice for her is U-2's One which I should know but I have never really followed U-2 or Mary J Blige who covered it.  It gives Candice an opportunity to show off her amazing voice and the judges like it but are not effusive. 

The judges choose Next To Me, a song I also did not know but I thought she did a great job with it.  I don't think it let her really soar, though so I'm wondering why they chose it...except to make the playing field with Angie more even.


One of the few criticism's (unjust) of Candice has been that she may be too old-fashioned and unable to make a record that would be marketable to current audiences.  So, the producers make sure she appeals to the young votes by having her sing *Somewhere* (!!!!!) as opposed to Angie's more current (by about 50 years) producer's choice.  Now this is what I love about Candice.  It is like she knew what their game was and she just flat knocked that song into outer space.  I loved it, and I love her and I hope she wins (because I don't think Kree has a chance).   At some point during the criticisms of Candice, Nicki has to comment about her self-confidence and what a role model she is for all women...subtext...*even though you are fat.*  Shut your piehole Nicki...your butt is not quite of Kardashian proportions but it is getting there and as for the rest of you....ugly is as ugly does.

And now for Kree.   Some people might have cringed at the focus of the homecoming on her dead parents but I'm grateful for all the sympathy votes she gets as this point because she is certainly not getting a fair shake from the judges or the producers or Jimmy.  After praising her for the first 2/3 of the season for her understated performances they turned on her and told her she was bland and lifeless.  They are all horrible.  

Since Kree is a country singer and of course the object is to choose a song that will showcase the contestants' strengths, Jimmy chooses a pop song by Pink, *Perfect*, for her to cover.  Keith cannot find anything good to say except that she is clearly a country singer, Randy and Mariah thought it left something on the table and so the producer's have accomplished their objective to make her look like the one who doesn't belong on the stage with the other two.  At least the judges acknowledged that Jimmy's song choice was not ideal.

The judges do appear to have given some thought to their song choice and she kills Rascal Flatt's *Here Comes Goodbye*.  Jimmy even has to give her the round.  As a side note, this song was co-written by American Idol alum, Chris Sligh. 

The producers, however, give her the equivalent of Janelle's *Dumb Blonde* to sing.  Yes, lets get something with a fast tempo but why this stupid song?  Its like the found the most unappealing  uptempo country song ever written and pulled it out for her to sing.  And, as another critic pointed out...what is with giving this woman, whose mother buried her father and then died herself...a song about a woman saying if they dig her husband's grave they better dig two?  (I admit...I didn't catch this myself but once it was mentioned you have to wonder).  That was just deliberately callous and designed to make her fail. At least the judges acknowledged the song choice was awful.  And, I will give Nicki credit for saying whoever chose that song should be stoned because I think SHE got the naked insensitivity of it.   I think Kree did about all you could do with that song which is NOT a vote-getter having no glory notes or even a good story behind it.  But that was the point.  Have her close out on a weak song that no one can relate to (and which, on second thought, makes her relive the worst time of her life) . 

So, it looks like next week will be Angie the Seal and Candice going for the title and this season cannot end soon enough for me.  I voted for Kree tonight, will not watch the finale unless she is in it, but I will vote for Candice next week. 

Evidently, the producers of Idol are trying to figure out *what went wrong* this season.  Let us start with the Nicki/Mariah debacle.  Nicki is more than polarizing...90% of regular viewers commenting on the show hate her. Throw in questionable choices like Zoanetta.  Add the elimination of any human with an ounce of testosterone in their system.  Mix it with erratic judging and over praise of certain contestants (Amber) and throwing others under the bus (Kree and Janelle).  Result, a disastrous season.  I would be surprised if the tour even sells 1/4 of its seats this season.  I suppose they will give it one more season.  I don't want Simon back...I don't want JLo back...I would take Steven back...but for goodness's sakes get rid of Nicki. 

In the meantime, I watched the Voice last night and I must say that all of the women competing in the top 12  could have been in the final three tonight and not been out of place.

Candice for the win, Kree for 2nd place, and how I wish Angie's brother would have to cut off that stupid beard!

And after this season of Nigel ruining Idol, I am seriously considering boycotting So You Think You Can Dance.